


Enter the Unknown

by DIGITALBOY



Series: Looking for Serenity [1]
Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Adventure & Romance, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, References to Depression, Slow Burn, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2020-10-05 10:14:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 24,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20487236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DIGITALBOY/pseuds/DIGITALBOY
Summary: Organic friendships.





	1. Router

**Author's Note:**

> they live in mankato, minnesota. i wanted some snowy, grunge-like vibe with a pinch of urban. wellllllll, not rly a pinch it's definitely There.
> 
> also it's kinda an adventure fic !!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris makes a friend.

When Chris started the school year, he expected not to have friends or get any. It was the 3rd week when a kid named, Josh, sat outside with him. He was wearing what everyone else was, thick coat, boots and probably many layers of clothing. So was Chris, though he most likely wore more layers than everyone else. 

At first, they'd both sat there in silence, the only noise being screeching sounds of the wind, along with teenagers conversing. Chris had looked up from his work, pencil stilled between his fingers. He straightened, being the first to introduce himself. Josh rested his chin on his folded hands upward. He just smiled, and said his name. 

Josh didn't start up much of a conversation, he'd asked what Chris's schedule was, compared it to his own. They only had 2 periods together, but the rest of the day, they did not. Chris felt weird, not uncomfortable-weird, but a 'why' settling itself in his brain. 

He was considered an outcast, he didn't hang out at the popular table. He didn't even hang out where the nerds were, which for him, would be his ideal area. But he didn't. Chris never thought of himself as 'special' or anything. Unaccepted.

When the lunch period ended, Chris never saw Josh. Not even during class transitions. He didn't see him when he went to the vending machine, didn't see him at the bathrooms. He wasn't intentionally looking for him. But he already felt a sneaking mystery behind Josh; like, who was he? Did people know him? Maybe Chris is overthinking it. 

Chris walks home silently in the midst of snowfall, boots crunching against the sleet. He'd checked his Instagram feed, fiddled with his lanyard in the other hand as he approached his house. He's pretty sure nobody's home today, his parents both worked at the same workplace, and would come home at around 9pm. 

Chris is greeted by Spike, his fluffy cocker spaniel that was 16 weeks old. He ruffles its hair, large amounts shedding onto the doormat. Chris locks the door, hanging his coat on the coatrack, the usual. Then he'd go up to his room, finish work and that would be it. 

It makes Chris think, the whole meeting with Josh, he has such a static life. He didn't know what Josh saw in him, but apparently it was good. He's glad it happened kind of. Chris isn't really sure how he feels about it exactly, but it wasn't anything bad.

Chris opened the blinds, enjoying the snowfall through the pane. Snow was always nice, sometimes it made it a little hard to navigate his path to school. Spike came in, pushing through Chris's door like it was nothing and setting himself on the floor.

Chris silently does his work, TV playing old 90s shows at a low volume. Sometimes he hated being an only child, other times he never really thought about it. Just went on with it, did what he did at school, came home and watched TV. 

He does get  _ really _ bored, so he plays with Spike. Chris sat on the living room carpet, ball of playing yarn rolling between his fingers and he whistles for Spike to come over. Spike is very competitive, already tackling Chris for the ball of yarn.

Chris plays with him for an hour, feeling his hunger after so he makes mac and cheese. It was the only food he knew how to make without messing up terribly. He made it good too, not to toot his own horn or anything. 

He ends up going back to his room, sitting down at his computer and playing GMod. He felt good, since he got everything out of the way and could finally relax. 

School was fine for him, no one ever really picked on him or bothered him. Chris thought he was doing pretty good in his classes so far, and apparently he's already made a friend. He could've done that 3 weeks ago, but it's fine.

He realizes how much time has passed when he hears the front door open. Chris looks at the corner of his computer screen, time reading 9:10pm. He greets his parents whilst putting away his dishes. 

It's always around 11pm when Chris starts to actually feel tired. His life really was static; go home, do homework, play with the dog, eat and mess around on his computer then sleep. No different today, so the night ends. The snow still falls.


	2. Hunting Ground in Your Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eternal sunshine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they bcome friends so quick but idc

Chris is on the library computers, researching terms and symbols for English class. He wasn't eating lunch outside today. He enjoyed the snowfall, really. But it flaked onto his homework other times. 

He's glancing between the thick notebook, lined paper and the computer screen, fingers rapid against the keys. Chris tries not to let any background distractions catch his attention, wanting to get done with this as quickly as possible. 

Chris can hear people coming and going. Two cubicles away, somebody sits down, and he can feel a stare on him. He gives a quick peek at who it is, and his eyes are caught on Josh's, who has his cheek squished onto his palm, one hand trailing on the keyboard. Chris clears his throat, straightening and seeming to be professional as he continues his work.

Chris doesn't have the feeling linger too long, he gets immersed pretty quickly again into his studies. He goes through half the paper, writing down the term definitions swiftly and he's kind of proud of himself. He flips over the paper, distracted and not noticing the fact that someone is seated next to him now.

He glimpses and sees the sharp green of Josh's eyes and now Chris has his attention fully caught. Josh has a pleasant smile on his face. "Hi again." he says, drumming his fingers on the desk, the other one still where it was before. Chris clears his throat.

"H-hey." Chris unfortunately stammers a little bit and he doesn't know why it matters but it does. He puts down his pencil, leaning back to take a break. His wrist ached, a little stiff so he thinks his break is well deserved. Josh looks at the computer screen, to the paper, the book and finally to Chris.

"Thought I lost you." Josh says, "didn't want to be alone at lunch today." he says these so casually, as if he and Chris had been best friends for 12 years or something. 

"Sorry, had to do this." Chris gestures to the set up. He tries to do what Josh is, who is mastering it so well that Chris feels unable to compete. Josh stirs, sitting up more and stretching.

"Do you wanna hang out after school?" Josh asks. "It's less snowy today."

Chris is a little shocked at the invite, not used to them. "Uh, yeah, sure."

Josh smiles. "I got a place we can go to. Want my phone number?"

Chris has never had a friendship before like this, where things are going to be planned and texts exchanged. But he agrees, and Josh picks up his pencil, leaned across the desk as he writes his phone number down at the bottom of the page. 

He doesn't say another word, standing up as he rubs Chris's shoulder with another smile. He walks away and Chris doesn't see him exit, doesn't even see him seconds after he walked away. Maybe there _ was _ a mystery to this Josh boy.

Chris inhales and exhales, relaxing his quick breathing that he didn't notice before. He cracks his knuckles, and finds himself staring at the bottom of the page, where Josh had wrote his phone number, and the address of the place he'd said he knew. Chris doesn't recognize it and for a brief moment he wonders if this is some sort of trap. It's a weird thought, kind of twisted but he decides to do it anyway.

So his after school routine wasn't what it was usually. Chris follows the map on his phone after he'd input the address into it. He hadn't put in Josh's phone number yet, so he doesn't know if this is even the right place or if Josh is here. 

It's an abandoned bowling alley by the looks of it. Chris stands in front of the graffitied entrance and broken windows, looking around snow covered bushes and gravel. 

"Boo!" 

Chris jumps, totally unprepared. Josh appears in front of him, grinning widely. He has his hands on his hips, head low as he laughs at Chris, who tried to seem like the bigger person and cleared his throat like it had never happened.

"Okay, you got me." Chris says, as Josh's laughing dies down. The brunet scoots up beside him, nudging his shoulder. Chris wonders if this is what he did with all his friends. Josh seemed to have this charisma that was so natural and people probably just flocked to him. That also makes Chris wonder, if Josh is the one who gets approached a lot, was Chris like, the only one he has ever went up to himself? He's thinking too hard again. To the point where he's confused by his own thoughts.

Josh starts walking and Chris follows. They explore this deserted bowling alley, Josh cracking already fractured windows with rocks. Chris flinches at each impact, still not used to the sound of splintering glass despite the several panes that had been broken before as they walked. Josh sighs.

"Do you like this school so far?" He asks, and Chris thinks. He liked it so far, yeah, nothing was a hassle.

"Guess so. Nothing's too stressful." Chris replies honestly, shuffling the snow with his boot. His hands clench and unclench in his pockets, coldness biting at his palms and fingertips. Josh huffs, reaching into his own pockets.

"I'd like to see it that way." he says. Chris hears a scrape, and smells burning material. He looks up to see Josh moving a cigarette to his lips. His eyes were sad, hair speckled with snowflakes and nose red from the cold. 

"What do you mean?" Chris asks genuinely, trying not to inhale Josh's secondhand smoke and they continue walking around the desolate building. Josh shrugs, chuckling slightly.

"The counselors are horrible, some of the kids here are assholes." he says, exhaling the smoke up into the air, almost camouflage against the gray sky. Josh tucks his hand under his elbow, cigarette already burned down to a stub.

"Don't even go near this kid named Michael." Josh continues, flicking the butt of the cigarette into a pile of snow. "Dude's an asshole. Will probably change your mind about everything not being stressful." he sounds irritated, fed up and Chris doesn't know who Michael is, but has heard the name thrown around with no actual identity behind it.

Chris hums. "Got history?"

"Like you wouldn't believe."

Chris chuckles at that. They turn another corner, and Chris looks up to see Josh going to the back door of the bowling alley. "Wanna go in?"

"Isn't this place like, crumbling to pieces?"

"Not that much. Come on." Josh says, and with surprising strength, he pulls the metal door open easily, having a bit of rebound. He stands with the door open and Chris doesn't have much time to think so he enters, Josh trailing behind him.

The door slams with a loud echo that startles Chris and makes Josh laugh. For some reason, it makes everything feel natural, the organic feeling of friendship present and they've only known each other for a day. Josh lets out a 'woo!' and it echoes throughout the bowling alley. Chris chuckles, hands falling out of his pockets.

They go to the lanes, knocked over pins and broken scoreboards abound. Josh grabs a dusty bowling ball, rolling it down the lane despite none of it working properly. Chris does too, missing the cracked, chalky pins that were still standing. 

"Nobody ever comes here." Josh says, "everyone talks about it though, saying they'll host parties here but it never happens." he explains. Chris didn't know too much about all this talk, he preferred to tune everything out when it came to party talk. 

"Police or curfew?"

"Both probably. Most likely police. They patrol here a lot."

"So why are we here?"

Josh sighs, walking towards a counter. Chris travels along with him, but he doesn't seat himself on it like Josh does, he leans against it, listening to Josh talk.

"Just wanted a quiet place. Home's too loud." Josh says, swinging his legs. He fully moves onto the counter, legs split on each side of the counter as if he's riding a horse. "I hate our school." he says. "Continuing on with that whole thing," he begins. Chris is attentive, and it seems like this is some sort of venting for Josh. 

"You moved here right?"

"Yeah, from Cali." Chris responds, picking at a chip in the wood of the table. Minnesota was nice so far, he wasn't so used to snow but he kind of adapted quickly to it. Josh hums.

"How's it over there?"

"Nice, pretty hot, warm. Didn't really see snow this heavy." Chris comments and Josh laughs, leather of his boots squeaking.

"It's common, you'll see it a lot. Usually it's _ uncommon _ to see snow in September." he says, sounding like a native to Minnesota. Josh slides off the counter. "'S quick, but is it alright if I hang out at your place for a while?"

Chris shrugs. "Sure, my parents come home at 9."

"I'll make sure to leave before then." Josh smiles. "We can leave now, if you're afraid about the cops." he says, an obvious tease. Chris scowls playfully.

"Yeah." he says as Josh leads them out of the door, moving a fallen plank as he uses the same strength as before. 

They walk down the snowy path, and Chris adds Josh's phone number on the way back to his house. Josh stretches again, the only sounds along with the wind. Chris gets his lanyard ready, walking up the steps to his house and keying it open.

"Watch out for Spike, he gets way too excited about guests." Chris warns and Josh raises a brow and has an amused smirk on his face. Chris hangs his coat on the door, being a gentleman and dragging Josh's coat off his shoulders too. 

And of course, Spike comes running in, little legs taking him to Josh and sniffing his boots and legs excitedly. His tail wags, and wags. Josh smiles hard, picking up the puppy as he kneeled to his knees. "He's cute." he looks up at Chris. "How old is he?"

"16 weeks. I needed company."

"Ah, only child?"

"Yeppers." Chris says, hooking off his lanyard and tossing it to the counter. Josh sighs, putting down Spike.

"I have two younger sisters, identical twins that don't get along most of the time." he says. "So that's why my household is so loud, even though it's just me, my parents and them." Josh explains, walking over to Chris, who was leaned against the staircase. 

"That sucks. Has there ever been a calm conversation between them?"

"Yeah, sometimes. I wish there were more, hate comin' home to that." Josh says sadly, arms weak against his sides. "Now I'm bummed."

"Would a movie help?"

"Whaddya got?" Josh looks at him, also leaning against the staircase with folded arms. Chris tries to remember what his TV stand looked like. He didn't collect movies or anything full time so it was probably a low collection. He's got some good ones, he's positive about that.

"Horror movies. Comedies." Chris lists, specific titles blank in his mind but Josh lights up at 'horror movies'. Chris takes that as a sign and leads Josh up to his room. 

"Nice view." Josh says by the window, eyes dragging over the sleet from beyond the windowpane. He looks at Chris's TV stand, craning down to his knees and thumbing through the different movies stacked up on each other. "Babadook? That's a good one." Josh comments, slowly taking it out.

Chris sits at the edge of his bed. "Wanna watch it?" he asks, and Josh shrugs, opening the box. He presses the middle of the disk slot, the actual disk popping out. Josh seems familiar with the blu ray, so Chris lets him do it by himself.

He finds himself thinking again. Maybe this was a 'meant-to-be' sort of friendship. They got along well and fairly quickly. Josh was already in Chris's house, already watching a movie with him, meeting Chris's dog (which was very important). Chris leaned against the wall, legs stretched across his bed, still near the edge of it. Josh was near the middle, legs crossed as the movie got to the rising action.

Chris didn't really get immersed in horror movies, dramas and comedies were his cup of tea. Besides, he didn't watch movies that much, it was usually TV shows. His current obsession is with That 70's Show. He'd watched it before, but he rekindled the love.

It was 7pm, they'd watched Scream after The Babadook, and Josh was very excited. But he had to leave, saying his mom would be upset. 

"See you tomorrow."

"You too. Be there, at lunch." Josh says smiling, grabbing his coat off the rack and tugging it on. He gives Chris a lazy salute, closing the door after Chris had waved. Spike whined, giving Chris the dog version of a pout.

"You'll see him again, pal." Chris says, picking up Spike and going up to his room. He closes all the windows, and lets Spike roam around his room. His toys were there so he had stuff to do. Chris just goes on his computer, finishing up whatever he needed to.

When his parents come home, his mom enters his room. "Hey." she says, smiling. Chris plucks out an earphone, head perked up.

"Oh hey." he says, quickly typing to finish the sentence he started. His mom hugs him and looks at his screen.

"Did you make any friends?"

Chris pauses. "U-uh yeah, kind of. Why?" he stops typing. His mother smiles again, hard and happy. She says 'that's good' and Chris doesn't know why she was acting kinda weird. She was that jokey kind of mom, similar to his dad who literally used to be a stand up comedian. They clicked well.

But that doesn't really tell Chris much. And for some reason he wants to keep Josh a secret. She speaks again. "What's their name?"

"Michael." Chris lies, mind briefly flashing to what Josh said.

His mom's head slowly and calmly raises, eyebrows raised too. "Oh, what's he like?" 

Chris shrugs. "We're not like,  _ friends _ friends. But he's my partner in lab." he lies, and he feels really bad about it, but he likes this whole peculiar vibe Josh has so he still keeps it confidential. 

His mom doesn't ask anymore questions, giving a close-mouthed grin and closing his door. Chris feels weird, feels weird about lying to her. It'll mess with him until his parents find out about Josh's existence or something. Which Chris didn't even know much about. That also leads back to the whole 'mystery' thing. He hadn't even noticed Josh in his first two periods, but he was in them as shown by their compared schedules.

Chris goes to sleep earlier than 11, which is kind of odd. But he doesn't dwell on it. He makes sure to go to lunch the next day and not leave Josh out there in the cold.


	3. Fish Food

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aquarium date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im calling it a date ok

At lunch the next day, Chris lived up to his unofficial promise. They weren't outside today, they went into the indoor cafeteria. Josh was messing around on his phone before Chris showed up, setting his backpack down. 

"Hey." Chris says, and can't help but smile. "I'm actually here. No work to do." he adds. Josh had put his phone away, eyes beaming. He gives a thumbs up, hands going to fix his turtleneck. It's silent for a few minutes. Josh picks up his phone again and types something in rapidly. He shows the screen to Chris.

"Down to go to the aquarium?" Josh asks, while Chris's gaze is still on the image. Josh closes it, and stares at Chris expectantly. Chris thinks. He hasn't been to an aquarium in a while. He wonders what Minnesota's are like. 

"Where is it?"

"Bloomington. If we drive, it'll take an hour."

Chris blows out air. "Sure. After school?" he asks. Josh nods eagerly. He goes on his phone again, fingers quick and easily moving across the screen. Chris takes out his phone, and decides to start the thread of messages between him and Josh, sending him a picture of Mr. Moseby from Suite Life on Deck distorted. Josh laughs, eyes going up to Chris.

Josh had a nice laugh, it was very bubbly despite this inscrutable vibe he gave off. He sends Chris the Google Maps to the aquarium. "Unless you want me to drive." Josh says as Chris thumbs at his screen, following the road on the map. 

"I'm fine with driving." Chris says truthfully. "It opens at 10 AM?"

"Mhm. We could just skip the rest of our classes, unless you want to be a good boy or something." Josh says, leaned forward on folded hands. Chris gives a playful scoff, shutting his phone off and taking out his work. "What class is that for?"

"Science. You have Mr. Gordon, right?"

Josh sits beside him, flicking Chris's forehead lightly. "Duh, you dummy. We share that class." he smiles, shrugging his bag off his shoulders to take out his own work. "It isn't too hard." Josh comments. Chris agrees.

"Yeah he's surprisingly chill with the homework." Chris says, clicking his mechanical pencil, starting to write down on the lines. Each question had a page assigned to it, which lead to Chris taking out the textbook for both of them to use. 

When lunch ends, Chris says bye to Josh, missing the interaction they had when doing their work which mostly consisted of jokes, talking about school and Chris's dog and the many shenanigans he's done as a 16 week old puppy. Josh waves to him in a way that makes Chris feel warm inside. He doesn't know why. It holds something like, what someone would do to a lover that is leaving or going away. Chris brushes that off as him again, overthinking.

He sits by the window in his last period, watching the gray-green leaves of the trees blow slightly in the wind. Chris taps his desk with idle fingers. Programming was a fun class, but he found it hard to think when he keeps thinking of Josh. Not in a romantic way. He's just wondering about this aquarium thing, and what they're gonna do. What he's gonna say.

He stares at the lines of code, a string of numbers that hold no meaning to him really. Chris sighs, now looking at the clock and keeping his gaze until the bell tolls.

* * *

Josh is in the parking lot, exhaling while wrapped in a massive coat. His breath looks like fog, puffing into the air. Chris pockets his keys, approaching Josh who is in a thick, wool gray beanie, waiting for Chris to unlock his car. It beeps two cars away, and they both walk to it. "You studied the map thoroughly?" Josh asks.

"I got it, Joshua." Chris says, assuring him with a sarcastic tone. Josh's eye twitches at the use of his full name, and Chris makes sure to use it every so often. At the same time, they both climb into the car. The windows stay rolled up, Chris turning on the warm AC and feeling at ease because the cold was unbearable.

Josh chuckles when Chris sighs in relief. He grabs Chris's phone, holding it out for him to press the home button for touch ID. It takes Chris a moment to realize what Josh is asking for, and he presses it for him. Josh sets up the GPS, and Chris mumbles out a 'thank you' as he buckles his seatbelt, unzips his coat so he can  _ breathe _ . Then he keys the ignition as Josh buckles himself silently.

"What exhibits are we going to?"

"I really wanted to see jellyfish. Dunno about you, but I love those guys." Josh says, somehow being able to pull his legs onto the chair. Chris chuckles.

"Jellyfish are cool but have you seen the sea turtles? They're magic." Chris counters playfully, following the GPS's robotic instructions at each intersection. Josh reaches to turn the radio on, and it's some R&B radio. It's at a low volume, making things less awkward if they were to be awkward. Chris has had his handful of them, and they do feel freakin' weird, but he's also had the quiet moments with Josh and he hasn't felt it then.

Chris hasn't been to any other part of Minnesota, so this is a new one. And school dismissed an hour ago, they were getting close to the aquarium and Chris is a little excited. It's cloudy in Bloomington, which is nice. Less blanketed by snow like in Mankato. 

The aquarium is in East Broadway, and it's huge, as an aquarium is. Chris parks in, what he considers, the perfect spot, because they can leave quicker this way. Josh is excited, leaving his bag in the space below the dashboard. Chris tries to be as fast as Josh is, taking the keys out of the ignition. 

Josh nudges up beside Chris as they walk in. It's 3pm and it's a little busy, blue halls crowded in the main entrance. He takes out his wallet, counting 25$. Chris walks behind Josh, letting him do the talking since this place seems familiar to him. The policy is paying right at the door, Chris notes, and it's natural to Josh it seems. 

Josh grabs a map, eager to find the jellyfishes. He's smiling wide when he finds the exhibit, grabbing Chris's sleeve. "Found it! We can go look at the sea turtles after." he says and Chris finds it endearing how Josh paid heed to that little comment Chris made. He didn't really know much about sea turtles at all.

When they get to the jellyfish exhibit, Josh is ecstatic. He really loves these jellyfish, reading the plaque that holds all the facts about them and smiling at them through the glass. Chris finds it cute, he remembers finding them so cool and weird when he was younger. Maybe he should rekindle that interest too. 

Josh grabs a pamphlet, unfolding it and reading even more jellyfish facts. "How much do you love these things?" Chris asks over his shoulder, looking down at the pamphlet. 

"I love them a lot. They're fucking cool." he says, and the excitement is radiating off of him that Chris feels it and is excited too. "I always wanted like, a tank with them in it. I don't even know if that's possible," Josh says, "but I want it anyway."

"That'd be cool." Chris comments, and Josh is still beaming.

"We can go see the turtles if you want." he looks up at Chris, who feels warm. He didn't know Josh took that seriously, but it still was charming. Josh flips through the pamphlet to the map, finding the exhibit rather quickly on the map.

They walk through blue filtered tunnels, by fishes, stingrays and sharks. Josh smiles triumphantly when they find the sea turtle exhibit. Chris does find himself getting interested, the sea turtles really were freakin' cool. 

"This is nice." Chris says, the cool air enhancing the majestic atmosphere. He looks at the plaque, and Josh does too, nudged up beside him again. 

"They  _ are _ magic." Josh says, laughing airily with this teasing tone that Chris can't describe. But it's teasing nonetheless and maybe Josh is teasing Chris, when he was calling them magic before in the car. He doesn't know, that might just be the case. Which meant that Josh was probably gonna tease him even more in the future.

"Where do you wanna go after this?" Chris asks, finally looking up from the plaque to Josh, who was beaming over the sea turtles.

"Man, these guys are cool as fuck too." he says, then he turns to Chris. "We could get some food." Josh suggests, walking up to him. "What are you craving?"

"Anything honestly. The school lunch is terrible."

"That ain't no lie." 

They settle on getting small servings at a Mexican restaurant. Josh tells Chris to go to Cantina Laredo, since they're already in Bloomington. He sets up the GPS like he did before, and Chris finds it easy, adapted to it already. 

When they leave the restaurant, Josh had held Chris's hand as they walked down the path. It did make him feel warm, as did every action Josh took. They get back into the car, the radio turns on per Josh's request. 

It was all smooth, easy-going until Josh told Chris to stop the car. They had just got back to Mankato, right at a bus stop. "Why?"

"Just.. I need to go." Josh says, pleading so Chris stops the car, brakes and lets Josh leave, taking his bag and flipping it over his shoulder. "Thank you. This was fun." he smiles, and then the door closes. He walks the opposite of where they drove. 

Chris feels weird. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> josh is mystery boy 😳😳 and he loves jellyfishies


	4. Eternal Waves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Woven in sunlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chill chapter, we gon get there promise <3
> 
> im sorry abt the length!! they'll get longer !!

It's Thursday, a snow day. So there was no school. Chris obviously stayed in like he usually did with a day off. He's still thinking about what happened yesterday, right after they had so much fun and how Josh suddenly needed to leave. Chris sends him a text.

**C:** everything alright man?

**J:** yeah, i got it

**C: **we could hang out today if u want

**J: **i rlly want to, but sorry man

**J:** parents r bein stingy bitches rn

Chris chuckles at the word usage, closing his phone after sending an understanding reply back. His parents still work as usual, so today was going to be super boring. Unless Spike wanted to play.

It was 10 AM, sun was out, a bit fogged by thin clouds. It didn't make much of a difference it was still cold as heck out. Chris finds Spike laying in his dog bed, comfortably laid out on it. Chris smiles, dogs are cute. People don't deserve them. 

Chris decides to bake, make cookies or something. He kind of misses Josh, misses the fun they had. But he tries to distract himself from that, finding the ingredients for sugar cookies. He plans out the day in his head like this:

\- Bake

\- Binge That 70s Show

\- Play with Spike

\- Do work

\- Video games

\- Sleep

It sounds simple, what he normally does besides the baking part. He was catching up on That 70s Show, the last couple days he hasn't been able to. Chris is sure he's done with any schoolwork, so today was going to be simple. He didn't like it, compared with yesterday. Today felt boring, and it just started.

Chris has no knowledge on baking cookies. He did once during an 8th grade culinary class, didn't go so well. But he knew what not to do; like don't forget to preheat the oven. Chris pulls up a recipe on his phone, following it carefully so 8th grade culinary doesn't repeat itself. But he's doing pretty well so far, he's sure he's measured correctly.

Baking takes like 25 minutes, especially these easy sugar cookies. Chris only makes 5, he doesn't want to die from the sugar consumption. If he can even die from that. Either way, he doesn't want to feel sick from it. His mom and dad don't like cookies that much, so he's not sharing.

It's 11:05 AM, Chris is on the living room couch with a bowl of sugar cookies. That 70's Show plays lowly, his ears were sensitive right now. Loud noises felt like his ears exploded. So he's not in the mood for that. He is in the mood for sugar cookies and TV, which is why he's here. Spike sits on the couch with him, plopped on a pillow that was slanted on Chris's leg. 

He binges the 2nd season, which takes almost 2 hours from the breaks he took. Chris sits down again and he is so freakin' bored. He makes kissy noises to garner Spike's attention, the puppy's collar ringing as Chris takes one of his chewed up toys and hangs it in the air.

Spike jumps up to nab at the hanging toy. He keeps jumping and finally gets it, playing tug of war with Chris momentarily. Chris laughs, the puppy growling, it seems, at his giggling. He doesn't tug too hard, the last thing Chris would ever do - no, he wouldn't do it. He wouldn't hurt Spike ever. He wouldn't be able to live with himself. Spike is baby.

Spike is an energetic dog, no doubt, so Chris isn't ever surprised when he's tackled. Like right now, he's just laughing. It's funny, because Spike is the tiniest little dog ever. Chris is like 6'0 so this was probably a hilarious sight. 

Chris plays with Spike for an hour or so, stopping when it's like 2:10pm. He decides to do work, letting Spike rest. He also feeds him because Spike obviously needs food. He goes back up to his room, finishing what he started two days ago. It was some book project that the English teacher assigned. It was going to be due at the end of the year. Then they were going to look back on it and write about what they learned or something.

Chris hears his phone ping, and he swears he turned off those annoying sounds. He plucks out his earphones, wheeling out of his chair to grab his phone off of his bed. It's a text from Josh, and Chris views it, a little too eagerly.

**J:** i can come over, but we cant rly do anything

**C:** its fine w me bro, when?

Josh doesn't respond right away like he did before. Chris lets him answer when he has the time, going back to his computer desk and putting his headphones back in, lo-fi chiming in the speakers quietly. Everything's chill, Chris still doesn't hear any notification pings or anything like that.

But then he hears something clattering downstairs. Spike goes crazy too, but not like barking, Chris can hear his collar rattling. He takes out his earphones and they click against the wood of his desk when they fall. He opens his door quietly, the ringing of Spike's collar more clear as he slowly descends downstairs.

It's someone fully clothed in black, a pure unknown. Their knuckles are a deep red, from what Chris can see as they scratch behind Spike's long ears. Chris ducks down, getting nothing other than deep black of the person's hoodie. Their skin isn't too pale, kind of dark but their beaten, injured knuckles are darker.

Chris slowly and mutely makes his way down there. He doesn't know when the person moved, but they're not there anymore. What the hell was happening? His heartbeat sped up, pounding in his ears where it became hot. Spike's collar jingles again, and Chris is relieved that nothing happened to him.

He fully makes it downstairs, kitchen now being occupied but he can't see who's in there. Spike is now in his dog bed by the back patio sliding doors. And this might be some dumb, horror movie character charade but Chris does it anyway.

"Hello?" he says.

"Cochise!" Josh has a cookie in his mouth, peeking out of the kitchen. "Sorry, just had to pet Spike." Chris sighs in relief.

"Holy moly, you scared me." he lets out a long held-in breath. Josh chuckles, walking up to Chris and patting his back, munching on the chocolate chip cookie.

"Sorry about that, man."

"You didn't tell me _ when _ you were coming."

Josh blinks. "I didn't? I'm 100% sure I did." he says, walking to Chris's couch and splaying across it. He looked like a witch, cloaked in black clothing. His clothes had intricate designs on them, easy to see in the light. Chris weakly glares at him.

They end up watching TV together on the couch for a little bit. Josh was right, he _ did _ text Chris when he was coming, told by the text he sent that just said 'surprise'. It was sent around the time Chris heard clattering. Chris has already taken note of the fact that Josh is a little shit. 

3 pm, Chris is being pelted with a snow ball when they decided to clean up the yard, where Spike's toys were buried in snow. He balls up snow too, throwing it right at Josh's arm, who gasps and has that confident smirk back on his face in seconds, then he's throwing a snow ball right back at Chris.

It started off as that, until it got more competitive, goals were involved and it basically turned into snowball-football. Josh got it in all the goals, his aim was extremely focused Chris could only imagine how good his aim would be in an FPS. It was also kind of hard to compete against him. 

It was hard to compete against him when Chris got tackled. Not by Spike. Josh was straddling his waist, two snowballs in both of his hands, that were now donned in fingerless gloves. He doesn't know how Josh can feel his fingers. But he drops the two on Chris's chest so Chris has to accept defeat, sadly.

"Boom!" Josh says, hopping up onto two feet and dusting off his palms. Chris wipes off the snow, chuckling as Josh makes 'pew-pew' noises in triumphance. 

"Alright alright you beat me." Chris says, accepting it vocally so Josh shuts up. Josh sticks his tongue out at him. 

"Yep, get beat." he says, brushing off his shoulders and grinning in victory. Chris takes this moment to tackle Josh and give him a taste of his own medicine. Pinning Josh's arms with his elbows, he manages to ball up a snowball and do the same to Josh. 

"What was that?" Chris grins, sitting back up, cupping his ear.

Josh glares at him. Glares at him so hard Chris can feel his soul leaving his body. He lands one last snowball at his neck. Chris laughs, falling back but luckily catching himself on his elbows. Josh stands, arms crossed and he has this fake-mad look on his face. It's obvious that it he isn't really mad, a smile tugging at his lips.

Chris stands too, dusting off the snow tracks on his coat. "Want hot cocoa?" he asks casually. Josh's arms fall to his side, he smiles and nods. 

It was a warm evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stay tuned for adventure time!!


	5. Lysergic Acid Diethylamide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To be, or not to be, that is the question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> adventure !!!

On Friday, Chris tells Josh he's in the library again, having to do loads of work to do in English. Josh does find him, sitting beside him silently. He doesn’t take out his work, and Chris is concerned until Josh starts talking finally.

“There’s this abandoned hotel near the bowling alley we went to. Wanna check it out?” He is smirking, very mischievous. Chris shrugs, he doesn’t really remember where the bowling alley was. It was a weird time from what he remembers. Josh takes out his phone, somehow remembering the address and showing Chris.

“People go here all the time. I promise no cops.” Josh says, holding out his pinky finger. Chris hooks onto it with his own. 

“After school like always?”

“Mhm. Well,” Josh pauses, “I’ll drop by your house and then we can go.” He winks. This isn’t in their usual routine, Josh usually doesn’t leave Chris like this but he does, exiting the library so quickly Chris doesn’t see him walk out, but he hears the doors close. Nobody blinked, they didn’t notice Josh, like he wasn’t there.

Chris sits in Programming mutely, again looking at lines of code. He understood it, but he couldn’t bring himself to finish. He brushes it off as his drowsiness or something. He didn’t go to bed late. He yawns, staring out the window instead of the clock like he did last time. 

He decides to text Josh, asking him about what happened a few days ago. That sudden need to leave. The text bubble keeps appearing and disappearing as Chris watches it expectantly. Josh finally responds with 'appointment'. Chris doesn't get a specification, and he settles on not questioning further. 

At least Chris knows that he didn't do anything that could've caused discomfort. Kinda makes him feel even weirder than the day it happened. He picks his backpack up, hooking it over his shoulder as the bell rings. 

After school, he heads home, waiting for Josh. Chris grabs what he'll need, a couple of waters for them both, his phone. That's it really. He doesn't know what Josh might bring, but Chris gets the feeling that Josh loves to graffiti stuff. He's not positive about it, but maybe it'll be more fun if they do that, assuming the place isn't covered with spraypaint.

Chris is in his room, looking through his closet for thicker coats. He hears his window click, which was strange. Then cold air floods through. He turns around slowly, and sees Josh dusting snow out of his hair with his nose scrunched cutely. The snow dissipated onto Chris's carpet. "Hey. So is that your new way of getting into my house?" Chris asks, smirking.

Josh sighs, head lifting with a smile. "You bet." he says, roaming around Chris's room for a bit as he brushes off his hands together. "Ready to go? We can walk this time, no driving." he stretches and cracks his fingers. Chris shrugs, taking out the finally found thicker coat. He pulls it on. 

"Alright, let's get to it." Chris says, pocketing his phone and holding the waters in two hands after. Josh takes one, uncapping it quickly. "That thirsty?"

"Yeah, I have PE last period, and we had to run that shit, all the way down the gymnasium. It killed me." Josh says, water down half way in the bottle. He opens Chris's door, arms flopping uselessly. He does have his bag with him, not his school one, some dusty, black book bag, its belt clunking soundly when Josh walks.

Chris takes out his phone. "This is near the bowling alley, you said?"

"Da." Josh says in a Russian accent, laughing quietly under his breath. It draws a slight chuckle from Chris, who's distracted as he tries to find the bowling alley's address that he input a couple days ago. Josh is ahead of him, taking comical big steps into the snow with his arms extended and outstretched. The snowflakes fall at slow speed, mystical in the sky.

Chris confirms the address, shutting his phone and living in the moment. Josh stops in the snow, and they're by the bowling alley. His nose is a blushed red, and the tips of his ears. His coat's hood is huge, hanging off of his shoulders and making the rest of him look tiny. "Almost there. It's a couple blocks down."

"I hate all this walking. Especially in the cold."

"It's good for you, Cochise! Cardio!" Josh pauses in the snow, waiting for Chris to catch up. Chris could see the beginnings of rubble in snow as they approached this abandoned hotel, which Chris was kind of afraid of. Was this gonna be a thing where he's gonna have to avoid eye contact with the crackhead outside of 7/11? What if there's people there? Josh said people have gone there.

"This isn't like, dangerous right? We're safe?"

Josh nods, grabbing Chris's hand gently. "We're okay. Just explorin'." Chris stares down at their locked hands for a minute while walking, Josh paid no heed to it. Despite the cold biting at his skin, he still felt the rise of heat in his cheeks. Goddamn it.

"Right up there. Also, there's gonna be some jumping involved. You down for that?" Josh lets go of his hand, Chris misses it. 

"Depends on what we're jumping over."

"What if it's a... fence?" Josh stares innocently at him with those big doe eyes, hands behind his back and eyebrows raised. Chris sighs, trying to stretch himself a little because if it's actually a fence then he has to get prepared physically.

"Alright. If you want to explore that bad."

Josh smiles. "I'll help you over it if you'd like," he says, then his eyes travel upward in thought. "Or we could carve out some hole into another entrance. Go through there."

"You got a switchblade on you?"

Josh keeps a weak gaze on Chris for a moment, reaching into his coat pocket. "Always keep one on me. True Washington fashion." he says. Chris pauses. So that was Josh's last name? He's heard that name before, seen it.

"Washington? Does your dad happen to be-" he starts, pursing his lips jokingly.

"Bob? Yessir." Josh finishes with a confirming nod. He reaches forward, grabbing Chris's hand again to tug him along. "C'mon slowpoke. Let's not dwell on that." he says, and Chris fully sees the abandoned hotel, broken windows like the bowling alley and graffitied as expected. He still feels hot in his cheeks, and now he's become his own fireplace so he guesses he can handle the cold.

What was this though? This feeling? It was very quick, whatever it was. Chris would call it a crush, but he didn't even really know. Did Josh feel the same way? Chris could never tell, Josh was a mystery boy, even with his last name now revealed. It didn't make much of a difference. However, Chris feels a little like he's getting closer to finding out more about him.

He knew the basic stuff. Josh liked jellyfish, liked to explore. He smoked cigarettes. Well, that's all Chris really knew. And that Josh was a little shit. He's also alarmingly fast when he leaves palces. Seriously, Josh is like Lightning McQueen or some shit, with how quick he can leave rooms without being noticed or seen.

That could contribute to the fact that Josh has probably never been caught doing any of this stuff. "How often do you 'explore'?" Chris air quotes. Josh gives him a weak glare, and Chris chuckles.

"A lot. Yesterday I couldn't though. My mom can like, tell if I've been out. I'm usually drenched in snow. These places get fucked up, man." Josh replies, and they get closer to the hotel's gated entrance.

"Well, we did have a snowball fight. Did her senses not go off?"

Josh blows his tongue out at him. "I wiped it off. But I have to walk from those places and back." he stops, stood in front of the gate. "No way is a switchblade goin' through this." Josh comments, letting out a puff of air. Chris looks at the gate, and he does  _ not _ want to climb it. 

"No way in hell am I jumping that." Chris says, mocking Josh's sentence. The brunet pats Chris's shoulder.

"Other entrances to look for." Josh says, literally not meant to cheer Chris up in the slightest. Chris groans, legs tired already from trudging through this thick snow. Josh does grab his hand again, and he definitely liked to do that. Chris didn't have a problem with it. He had major anxiety about being the one to do it first though. 

Chris sighs, not paying attention to wherever they might be going. Then Josh makes a noise of surprise. "Located. Over." he says, hand cupped by his mouth to resemble a walky talky. Chris chuckles.

"Affirmative. Over."

"So, we could jump this. Without help. It's a pretty short wall." Josh says, hand falling from Chris's hand and going to the rough edges of the concrete wall. The gate ended about only the front, seems like they were too lazy or something to finish the rest of it. Chris has no clue. This thing was probably built in the 1800s for all he knows.

Josh hooks a leg over, having the strength to do this. The wall was about 5ft tall, Chris was way taller than it. Josh wasn't, but he managed to get over it quickly. That may be due to how often he does these things. This might be his only form of exercise. 

Chris huffs, hands uncomfortable against the concrete of the wall. Nonetheless, he makes it over successfully. Josh claps, tiny pattering sounds that honestly make his hands sound like they're baby rat hands. Chris chuckles at the thought.

Josh whoops very loud, and Chris is momentarily scared of the patrol. But Josh doesn't seem to care but that's nothing Chris can go by. He looks around the walls and gates, seeing crows and other birds fly through the air, their cawing was creepy. Especially with the weird, eerie scenery that this abandoned hotel gave off. The fact that it was abandoned was already creepy enough.

Josh walks up to a window, and Chris follows. Then Josh just punches a hole through it like it was no problem. It startled the heck out of Chris, his ears did in fact explode. "Jeez. Chill. You couldn't have used a rock?" he laughs breathlessly, still surprised.

"Good point." Josh says, but he doesn't look at him, leg lifting to kick in excess pieces of glass. He hisses a little. "Yeah, probably should've done that. Just worsened my knuckles." he says, looking at his busted up knuckles that were already a bruised red color.

"Damn, what'd you do?"

"Kinda what I just did. Like, 3 days ago." he says, and Chris didn't notice them before. What kind of shit did Josh even get himself into?

"How many bones have you broken doin' this?"

"Approximately 2. My arm, and my leg." Josh responds, moving the corresponding limbs to their labels. "Alright, roll down your sleeves. Why the fuck didn't we bring gloves."

"We're clowns. This'll have to do, right?" Chris says, pulling down his sleeves underneath his thick coat sleeves to cover his palms. Josh had done so, being quick about almost everything. 

"I'll go first." Josh says quietly, ducking lowly to climb through the window. The sounds of crunching glass echo throughout the hotel and Chris shudders. His turn now. He tries to copy what Josh did, and surprisingly, he didn't hurt himself or get cut on excess glass. 

Chris grimaces at the foul smell that presented itself all too clearly. "Eugh. What are we even gonna do in here?" he asks, genuinely curious because he already wants to leave because of the aroma that probably would've gotten this place quarantined. 

"Walk around, do shit. Hell, maybe even summon  _ ghosts _ ,  _ oooh. _ " Josh whistles a Halloween tune. Chris rolls his eyes, smirking at him. Josh laughs, more glass crunching when he does. 

"God, it smells so bad in here."

"Yeah, a lot of animals are probably decaying."

Chris gags. "Dude really?"

Josh shrugs. "What? It's the truth, Cochise." he says. "Watch your step." he tugs Chris away from a snapping bear trap. Chris is momentarily shocked.

"Holy shit." 

"You're welcome." Josh smiles. He can barely be seen, despite it only being 3pm and light outside. They go into the lobby room, couches webbed and dusty. Josh grimaces, making an audible grossed out noise. Chris grunts out an 'exactly' and they keep looking.

"These are busted." Josh says, pressing broken elevator buttons. Chris nods.

"Yeah, hope you didn't plan on using them."

"You know what else we can use? Stairs." 

Chris groans.


	6. Loner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little moments.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short sowwy
> 
> heads up; talks of depression
> 
> <3

Josh takes him to the top of the hotel. He uses more of his strength than usual to push the rusted door open. Chris watches on, surprised because when does his strength ever chill out? He has way too much power. The door screeches open and Chris wants to die. Though the cold air pours in very quickly, chilling his skin.

"The view up here is nice." Josh says, grabbing Chris's hand and pulling him more onto the roof, snow slowly flaking onto the concrete on the surface. It really did look ethereal, the snowflakes slightly twinkling like stars. It peppered Josh's hair and probably Chris's too. It was very present on his coat, gloves and glasses, which fogged immensely.

"Yeah. It is." Chris says distractedly, watching the snowflakes gradually fall to piles on the ground. Josh hums.

"I always come up here. At least once a day or week. It's fun." he says, turning to Chris and grabbing his other hand. "We could come here everyday together if you want." Josh adds, green eyes faded a little as they stare into Chris's. He shrugs, smiling. He fondly adores the idea, mind drifting to the want of being with Josh everyday. 

Josh lets go of one of his hands, his own trying to catch snowflakes on his palm. He sticks out his tongue, managing to get one on his tongue. He scrunches his face, eyes closed, nose wiggling. He makes a sour face. "Those don't taste good." he says, turning back to Chris, hand interlocking with his again. 

Josh leads him to the edge of the building, their hands parting as they sit on the edge. Josh dangles his legs off of it, swinging back and forth. Chris decides to be bold, hand sliding up the rough surface of the edge and resting over Josh's. It caused some warmth, preventing their hands from becoming any colder.

The breeze blows past coolly, sounding eerie, but calming. Chris stares off at snow-covered woods, houses and other graffitied areas. Josh sighs. "You know, I feel sad sometimes." he says, legs pausing, no longer happily swinging. "An-and not that 'i got broken up with' kind of sad." Josh explains. Chris listens. 

"Like, this feeling of desolation, kind of. Every once in a while. There's numbness there too, I feel that a lot more. Then I get sad. It's like a cycle." Josh says, gaze lowered. "Everything feels exhausting. I like pushing myself to do these things. Even if they become so boring to me sometimes." Chris's chest tightens, and he can literally feel the emotion. 

Josh continues. "I can sit here all day, all through out school, tell my therapist that I feel okay, and that a nice chuckle sounds delightful.." his voice trails off. "Whatever." he says, and his voice becomes this saddened, dull noise. Chris doesn't like it. It makes him feel sad. 

Chris holds his hand, tightened around it. He doesn't know what to say. He doesn't know if what he'll say is rude, unhelpful. "I'm here." 

Josh looks at him with glazed over eyes. "Yeah.." he gives a trembling smile. It looks like it might break. But Josh shakes his head. "Let's move past that, yeah? Not fun to talk about all the time." he says. "Thanks." he adds quickly, quietly and Chris almost missed it but he gives a smile back, hand tightening even more around Josh's, who didn't seem to mind.

"I care. It's alright. We don't have to." Chris says. Josh nods, eyes faced towards the concrete walls, apartment complexes, the forests and all of the beautiful landscapes. He turns, one leg hanging off and the other skidding across the concrete of the roof. He slides both of his hands into Chris's.

Then he scoots closer, mouth stretched like a cat's. Chris raises a brow, confused by the movement. Josh blinks slowly, gaze moving down to their locked hands. He looks a little bit calmer, breathing levelled and easy. Chris sighs softly, relaxing a little, warm from Josh's hands. The brunet looks up, side profile to Chris as he stares at the landscape again up and down unhurriedly. 

Chris doesn't know what it is. Maybe it's weird, the fact that they met just this week and they're already  _ this _ close. The fact that he's already finding himself crushing on Josh. it also causes a bit of crisis in his head because he had these thoughts of 'what if Josh liked him back?'. The constant hand holding (which he liked) was a prominent factor, kind of led Chris to believe that, yeah, maybe Josh  _ did _ like him back.

But then his negative side of his brain is like, 'hell no, why can't a guy just hold his bro's hand?'. Chris feels bad when that thought arises. It didn't stop him though. He felt like Josh could like him back and it's the one he was leaning more towards than the toxic masculinity part of it. Josh stirs in front of him, gaze still on the blanket of snow below. He looks... divine, almost. Said the Royal part of Chris's brain.  _ Divine _ .

Josh glances back at him, up and around the roof, above everything. It's such a calm yet comforting moment. It feels nice. Along with the wind blowing, mystical snowflakes falling around them. Kind of like a movie. Maybe Josh could get his dad to pitch an idea. 

Their hands tighten around each other, synchronized. Then they lock eyes. Josh smiles. "You spacin' out, Cochise?" he asks, having a teasing edge to his voice. Chris chuckles.

"Might be."

"How could I get you out of it?" Josh says, scooting closer than he did before. Chris moved to the same position of Josh's, so that they're fully facing each other now. Josh pushes their palms together, lifting them up into the air, smiling slightly. His beanie made him look cute. He looked cute regardless. That is not a lie.

"Never mind. I think I got an idea." Josh adds, voice surprisingly sensual. It sounded velvety. Chris raises his eyebrow, genuinely curious as to where this was going and if it was going in the way he had hoped.

Josh leans forward, eyes slipping closed. Chris was in heaven, he had died. In the best way possible, with Josh  _ kissing _ him. Was this too fast? What was this going to be after? Chris didn't care, slowly finding himself kissing back. 

Maybe Josh did like him back after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mwah.


	7. Somewhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Making out and comedy movies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk how 2 write kissing scenes ok pls forgiv me  
its short again im sorry im writing more i swea-

So Chris had felt like he was floating. He was never a cheesy guy, but right now he didn't care if it sounded cheesy at all. This was perfect. The snow, the skies, the fact that no cars came by, nobody saw them. It was just them. _ Their _ moment. It was special. Josh pulls back, smiling at him and laughing when Chris is still staring dumbly at him. 

“Speechless?” Josh smirks, hands folded in his lap. He seems foggy from the cold, nose tinted red.

Chris just nods. Because he was in fact speechless. The wind swirled in the air, along the white plane of the environment, up into the sky. It felt ethereal, and Chris thinks he might be dreaming. He doesn’t know why. But his brain thinks that what he wants will never happen, so when it _ does _happen, it’s brushed off as a dream and will never actually happen. Chris doesn’t like when that happens. 

Josh pinches his arm. “Still spacing out?” He laughs, leaning back a little on his arms, hands strongly holding the cement edge they sat on. 

“This isn’t a dream?”

Josh turns to him, mouth slowly curling up into a smile. “No.” He says. “Want proof?” Chris nods. So Josh leans forward again, cold hands placed on Chris’s jaw. He shivered slightly, before feeling warmth when Josh’s lips met his. His lips were soft, slowly moving and keeping it easy. Chris knew it wasn’t a dream now. He smiled against Josh. 

He doesn’t like that they part away. Josh holds his hand, giving a real smile. Like he hasn’t given one of those in a while. Chris is happy to see it. He wonders how many times they’re gonna kiss today. 

Josh hooks his legs onto the surface, standing and stretching. Chris does the same, a bit hesitant because heights were scary. He doesn’t look behind, or he’ll get scared. Josh grabs his hand and drags him towards the exit for the roof, the same way they got through. Chris mentally and physically prepares himself for the foul smell of the hotel.

“I cannot handle this smell.” Chris comments truthfully. Josh chuckles, leading him through the distraught hotel interior, wary of the _ bear traps _that Chris absolutely despised for almost doing a number on his foot. “We almost outta here?”

“Be patient, man. It’s right around here.” Josh says. They stumble over broken pieces from the ceiling, shoes crumbling over the chips from the paint of the walls that were broken as well, the wood structure visible. 

Chris sighs in relief when he finally sees the exit to this torture chamber. Josh snickers at his relief, letting go of Chris’s hand to push through the doors. “Movie?” Josh asks innocently. Air gusts through and past, as Josh takes hold of Chris’s hand again. 

“Sure. Comedy or horror?” Chris asks, knowing that they won’t be going to Josh’s house. He makes a note to ask Josh about that later. The brunet looks up in thought, humming until he settles on a “comedy”. 

The path home isn’t very long, considering the fact that the abandoned hotel was near the abandoned bowling alley which Chris lived close to. Josh is skipping through the snow, dotted with snowflakes in his hair, on his beanie, and coat. Chris inhales, exhales, and he feels calm, like he's still floating. The sparks from the kiss still stayed with him. He still felt this flurrying feeling. Josh looked as if the kiss was nothing, just something he did all the time.

Now, Chris wasn't sure if that was a fact or not. He doesn't know of Josh's past relationships. Hell, Chris hadn't even seen Josh around school before he came up to him during the 3rd week. Josh is also super mysterious still. Chris shares 2 periods with him and has never noticed. To be fair, he stops paying attention to the roll call right after his name is called. 

Chris keys the lock to his front door, Josh bouncing on the balls of his feet, waiting patiently. He lights up when the lock clicks and the door creaks open. Chris moves aside, letting Josh in first and following after him. Spike is ecstatic to see Josh, trying to climb up his leg. Josh laughs. 

"Missed this lil guy." he says, ruffling Spike's floppy ears. Chris smiles, the interaction was cute. "Movie time right?" Josh stands, brushing off snow and hair from Spike off his clothes. Chris nods, hooking his coat on the coat rack. He stretches out his hands, offering to take Josh's.

"What a gentleman." Josh says, bowing slightly.

"You know it." Chris snaps his fingers, making finger guns towards Josh, who scrunches his nose and does them back. "So, I'm pretty sure I got all the Scary Movies." he says as they walk up the stairs.

"2 is my favorite personally." Josh says, behind Chris who opens his bedroom door, straight to the TV stand and he crouches down. He thumbs through the stack of movies, finding Scary Movie 2 per Josh's 'request'. Chris powers on the blu ray, disk slot sliding out. Josh is by the window, which was next to the TV, he's looking out of it, eyes squinted a little. His arms are crossed, lean and veins are visible underneath his tanned skin.

Chris sees the beginnings of lines on the inside of Josh's wrist. He looks away, instead staring up at the TV as it powered on. Josh notices, and he's beaming. "Alright!" he cheers, heading to the bed, sitting on the end of it. He leans against the wall, as Chris sits beside him, watching how his knees drew up to his chest. 

"Popcorn?" Chris offers. Josh's eyes are half lidded, green orbs still poppy as he gave a smug grin.

"Hell yeah, man. With some butter." Josh nods, gradually and he might be fantasizing about this popcorn.

"You in a daydream about it?"

"Bro, I love buttered popcorn. So. Much." he says. Chris chuckles, standing again and tossing the remotes onto the bed. 

"Well, I'll go fulfill your fantasy." he says, hands together as if he's praying. He steps out of the room, back down the stairs, headed to the kitchen. Spike is up and prancing to him, sniffing his boots. Chris smiles down at him, hands in the pantry as he finds the packaged popcorn, making sure to butter it or Josh will go feral.

Josh springs off the wall, stretched to grab the popcorn bowl. "Oh my Gosh, yes. The perfect movie popcorn." he sets it in his lap, legs now criss crossed. Chris sits beside him, right hand busy as he plays the movie. It plays with a slowly panning camera, credits popping up as the film introduces.

Chris relaxes against the wall, not really paying attention to the movie. Josh's hand picks out more popcorn. He leans onto the wall with his side, facing the movie and his back facing Chris. He munches on the popcorn, invested in the movie.

At some point, Josh turned to Chris, eyes dark yet lit up with some sort of spark. Chris put the bowl down on the floor moments ago, only the kernels and crumbs left. He's glad he did, because it would've interfered with Josh slowly pushing him down onto the bed, their lips meeting as he does. It felt easy, slow and perfect in a way. This might be going too fast, but Chris loves the feeling.

Josh's hand rested on his chest, his other on Chris's shoulder. His eyes were closed, lips soft and warm against Chris's. And he honestly wasn't expecting this to turn into a makeout session. When they part, Chris glances at the time. It was 6 pm, and his parents were going to be home in like 3 hours. Josh obviously wanted to do this, vocally stating that.

"For 3 hours?" Chris asks incredulously. "You gotta get tired at some point."

"Not with you." Josh says. It's the warmest thing ever. Then he leans down and kisses him again, continuing for even longer with gradual movements.

Chris makes a bold move, trailing his lips down to Josh's neck. The brunet made a noise, clearly liking it. So he keeps doing it, and Chris has no idea how hickeys work but sucks on a certain spot on Josh's neck for a few seconds. 

"W-wow, al-already?" Josh asks, breathless. He sits up. "Damn." he laughs, and Chris sheepishly rubs the back of his neck, sat up as well, his arm holding up. Josh gives him a quick peck on his lips, and pulls back. He reaches behind himself, grabbing the remote and pausing the movie. "I wouldn't mind doing _ that _ for 3 hours." he adds, leaning forward on all fours. His eyes are dark again, mouth pulled into a smirk.

Chris doesn't disagree. 


	8. Entropy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gradual decline into disorder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 😳😳😳

Josh sighs, window open and letting the cold breeze in. His clock flashed 7:00, alarm buzzing as his phone alerted him with a notification. He felt groggy, sick. Out of it. Under the weather but not really. He doesn't know what to do today.

He checks his phone, happily seeing Saturday appear. Josh flips in his bed, facing the wall. He could hear Hannah and Beth's argument from the other side get louder. He swallows hard, trying to distract himself. He thinks of Chris, and tries to think of a place to go. Josh remembers this deserted area right outside of town, with a lake, a bridge and these small convenience stores that nobody went to.

Josh turns, and sits up. He grabs his phone and types a text to Chris. The response is almost immediate. It's a quick 'sure bro'. He shuts his phone, and starts to get ready. Because of how cold it is, he has to get the thickest coat he has, which is probably buried deep in his closet. That was correct, and Josh now has a pile of coats on his closet floor. 

He ties his boots tight, eyes on his bag that had his flask, packs and other stuff. His parents didn't know of this, and Josh mostly kept it private. Sometimes you need some liquid courage to do anything, really. He takes the bag, hooking it over his head and around his torso. Josh texts Chris that they were going really far from his house. Of course Chris doesn't want to walk so he texts Josh if he can drive them. 

**J** : cmon cochise, walking is a good exercise

**C:** ughh fine

Josh opens his window fully, enough for him to fit through it. Then he remembers his phone, so he grabs it quickly, bagging it and _then_ he climbs out of the window, sliding down the damp roof and then he looks up. "Shit." he takes out his phone again, texting Chris to bring an umbrella. 

He takes the path to Chris's house, the air feels moist and thick. Josh sighs, adjusting his bag. He hears the metal clink, soundful taps against cardboard, and shuffling against the Velcro like material of his bag. His boots leather squeaked as he walked, trudging along the asphalt of the road, that was surprisingly devoid of cars.

Rain started to fall, dotting on Josh’s coat, bag and shoes. Along the road it got a little foggy. Josh noted that it would add to the scenery. He saw Chris’s house in the distance, the fog was thin. Josh walks up the stairs to the front door. He grips on the knocker, knuckles clacking against the hard wood.

“Ready?” Josh asks, and finally sees that Chris is  _ not _ ready. “Seriously bro?” he chuckles. Chris throws his hands up in defense.

“Hey, listen, I was tired. And I’ll go get dressed now,” Josh’s glare got stronger. “So you don’t kill me!” Chris’s voice went high and quick as Josh pushed him inside of the house, a smile cracking on his face. 

The house smells like fall. Josh sniffs the air more, finding the source which was an orange candle. “You light that?” He asks, enjoying the pleasant scent. Chris shakes his head. 

“My mom, before she left for work.” Chris responds, walking up the stairs. Josh follows, looking at the family pictures on the walls. Chris yawns. "So where is this place again?" he asks, pulling on a jacket, coat over his sweatshirt. Josh cracks his knuckles.

"Outside of town," Josh says, sitting on Chris's bed and flopping down onto it. He hears Chris's keys jingling, closet doors shutting and the tightening of leather. 

"Where we going after this?" Chris asks, wandering to his door. Josh didn’t really have a place in mind, but he really just wants to spend time with him. He thought of just going back to Chris’s house after; eat, make out, watch a movie. Play a board game. 

“Back here maybe. Haven’t thought of anywhere else.” Josh says, strolling to Chris, and looking up at him. How fucking tall was he? He wraps his arms around his neck, basically pulling him into a hug. Josh lifts his head, the moment seeming intimate and intense. “How tall are you?” He asks.

“6 foot.” Chris replies. Josh’s shoulders sag. Is he gonna be the short one forever? He purses his lips, exhaling through his nose. “Oh yeah you’re like, a midget.” Chris says, absolutely not looking at Josh because Josh has equipped his death stare. 

“Hey, alright, I’m sorry. Drop your weapon.” Chris says, gesturing to Josh’s resilient glare. A smile cracks on Josh’s face despite him not wanting to smile, he can’t help it. “Gotcha.” The blond adds. Josh wants him to shut up but he’s not gonna do that by himself. He lends a hand. Not really a hand but he lifts his head upward more, planting a kiss on the other’s lips.

It’s way more intimate than Josh thought it’d be. Like, he didn’t expect to be pinned down to the bed. Almost as if they were dating, boyfriends or something. He hasn’t talked to Chris about it and they haven’t mentioned it. Saturday was good. But they’re kissing, fully clothed and with shoes on. Josh thought it was odd but he didn’t stop it, why would he? 

Chris hovers his lips over Josh’s momentarily. Josh speaks, wanting to get the  _ actual _ show on the road. “It’s right outside town, like I said. We can get drinks on the way.” He says, almost a whisper. 

The clouds were foggy, covering most of the sky. No snowfall today, which was good because Chris would’ve complained even more. Josh had to shut him up again when he fucking complained about walking  _ again _ . His phone buzzed in his pocket. “Shit.” He says, pulling away from Chris, and taking out his phone, hand still on his chest. 

“I gotta make a quick stop at home. Then we can go.” Josh says, and cursing himself because he didn’t put his meds in his bag. “I’ll meet you at the bus stop.” He says, giving a quick reassurance peck to Chris’s cheek.

“What’s it about?”

“Eh, it’s no big deal. Just gotta get it done. Don’t worry.” Josh replies, trying to keep his ‘normal’ on. He squeezes Chris’s hand reassuringly and hooks his bag into his shoulder again. He descends down the stairs, obviously getting Spike’s attention. Josh gives him only a little because he’s gotta go get his meds now. 

Josh texts Chris a reminder as he turns onto the street where his house was, jogging by big houses and moist lawns. His house was locked, but the spare key was under one of the potted plants. Josh successfully finds it, opening the door and trying to hurry up. 

He’s in his bathroom, avoiding his reflection and taking out the bottled Fluoxetine. Chris texts him back saying he’s at the bus stop. Josh immediately puts it all away and things fall, clatter but he’s in a rush. Apparently, his parents and sisters have left the house. He doesn’t remember not seeing the car but, at least they aren’t arguing.

Chris is passing time on his phone, leaned against the bus stop wall and buried in a coat. Josh cheers because he wasn’t  _ that _ late. “Hey, you got it?” Chris asks, putting away his phone.

“Yessir. Alright, ready to go? Don’t bitch.” Josh warns as soon as he remembers. Chris groans, rolling his eyes. 

“Fine. But you said ‘drinks on the way?’” Chris asks. Josh nods because he can’t just jebait Chris like that. So they stop at a Circle K, getting cold drinks for some reason. Josh decides that now is the time they talk about whatever  _ this _ is. The kissing, the biting, and the hand holding. 

“So... are we like, dating or..?” Josh asks, pursing his lips cautiously, afraid he’s gonna scare Chris off or something. The blond is caught off guard but he doesn’t distance himself like Josh thought he would.

“Do you want to?” Chris asks in response. “I would like to, if I’m being totally honest, Washington.” He says, pursing his lips too in a joking way, having that faux royal tone in his voice, over exaggerated. Josh chuckles.

“I... yeah..” he says quietly, then more firmly and confidently. “Yeah. Yes.” Josh nods, but then he’s unsure again. “Is this too quick?”

“I don’t mind it.” Chris says, and he’s surprisingly laid back as if he’s done this before. Josh feels behind, but he tries to keep it cool. He slips his hand into Chris’s. They walk down the sidewalk. Josh swings their hands, eyes on the far distance. The 'end' of town was miles and miles away, so Josh wasn't sure if they'd really end up going there. 

There's an arch bridge, it’s front painted in graffiti from delinquent teenagers. It’s shiny from melted snow, gray and dim and elderly. Josh lets go of Chris’s hand and hurries to the bridge. “We can rest.” He says, hooking a leg over the edge and sitting on it. Chris sighs.

“Finally.” And he looks like the human version of the relieved emoji. He sits beside Josh, grimacing at his hands that were now wet from the damp cobblestone. Josh scoots beside him, swinging his legs and Chris gives in, swinging his in sync with Josh’s. The brunet gives a relieved sigh, their hands entangling together. Josh rests his head on Chris's shoulder. 

The road below them goes on, an endless path. Josh wonders if it lead to the unknown. He lifts his head, gaze low and focused on the slippery road. "What are you thinking about?" Chris asks. Josh stares at him with a disconnected gaze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nobody:  
chris: 😌


	9. Everyone is in such a hurry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Distant choir.

Josh looks at him, wondering what he really was thinking about. He averts his gaze seconds later, and then his thoughts start running. He thinks of everything at home, thinks about his diagnosis, everything. Chris patiently waits for Josh’s response. 

He shrugs, making eye contact with Chris again. He cracks a smile, finding a reason to laugh. Josh shakes his head, looking off into the distance. He can feel Chris’s confused stare on him. Josh rugs down his beanie, keeping his balance so that he doesn’t fall forward and meet his maker. He swallows hard and can’t find the words to speak. Despite the cold, heat crawls up his neck and makes him sweat in nervousness. As if talking to Chris is the scariest thing in the world. 

“Josh-“

“I’m thinking about everything.” Josh says. Because he doesn’t want to be interrogated any longer. He locks his fingers together on his knees, not looking at Chris whatsoever and focusing on a blowing bush down below. 

“I just wanna go places with you all the time.” He says, because it’s true and being with Chris is fun, makes him feel... alive? If that’s the word. Nonetheless, Josh lives off of it. School bores him, especially math. Not like he actually paid attention in that class. Most of the time he was high out of his mind. 

And it’s not like Chris being here suddenly made Josh stop doing all of those things. It was gradual, took a lot of Josh’s time, motivation and strength. Which left none at all.

So when he got the confidence to finally make a friend, Chris was the only one sitting alone. And look where it lead. Josh is happy right now, but he can’t say he was before. There’s some things that he can’t seem to heal from, and stop doing. He learned not to be so harsh on himself and take his time. Well, through some therapy. That took a lot of convincing but he thinks he’s done it.

Josh takes Chris’s hand in his own, looking down. He almost wants to stop this conversation, wanting to say something like  _ listen bud I already have a therapist _ . But he can’t. There’s one of the things he’s scared to admit; having a therapist and being on meds. He doesn’t want to look like a ‘crazy person’ or a ‘psycho’ like Beth had called him when he had been in some mood. It stung, and he kept it hidden.

“I like you.” Josh says, smiling only a bit. And no shit, of course he likes Chris. They’re dating now apparently. There’s a lot on his mind, a lot he wants to tell but the fear will rise again. 

“I like you too.” Chris replies simply, hand fixing his glasses. Josh takes a deep breath, and tries to seem stoic, faking it until he eventually feels it. 

Maybe it’s his sporadic mood, or maybe he was fast today. But the feeling comes quickly and he feels ready. Not quite ready to spill his guts. But ready to do more things with Chris, in terms of their relationship and being clowns together. 

“Everyone is in such a hurry.” Josh says, grinning at the thought in amusement. It was something he always thought. People were so rushed and kept wanting to do things when they had all the time in the world. 

“I feel like taking you to another rooftop.” He says. Chris chuckles.

“Is it far away?”

“I fucking knew you were gonna start complaining.” Josh rolls his eyes with no spite. He turns his head to Chris. “This could be our 2nd date.” Josh says.

“2nd?”

Oh. “The aquarium? That shit was cute bro, I’m counting that as a date.” Josh explains. The aquarium was more than fun, he loved that. Jellyfish are cool and always will be. He wanted a pet jellyfish. 

Chris laughs. “Y'know what? I will too.” He says. 

“We have all the time in the world. Why don’t we just keep exploring?” Josh asks. It’s mostly rhetoric and Chris hums.

“Poetic.” Chris comments. “How many abandoned spots do you know?” He asks.

Josh snickers. He knew a lot. He’s lived here in Minnesota for the majority of his life. He moved here when he was 7, and loved it immediately. Back then he explored a lot. He’s glad it was rekindled because if it hadn’t been, Josh wouldn’t be here with Chris right now.

“A lot.” Josh replies. 

“So, now?”

“Sure.” He says. The air is cold, colder than before and chilling Josh to the core. He shudders, rubbing his arms. Chris pushes up beside him, wrapping an arm around him. Josh smiles, breath like fog as he sighs in relief. He keeps leading Chris to the building, the blond's arm still around him. It was a random abandoned place, and some described it as a decrepit hospital. A kid named Matt mentioned it before and Josh was determined to find it. 

So when he did, he always went there. Maybe not always, but when he needed to escape. Just bask in the chill and the blowing fog on the rooftop, leaning against the gated electrical fence as he looked down at the city below. He felt things up there. Some of it was good, some of it was bad. 

Josh wiggled out of Chris's arms to take his hand, smiling as he walks backwards. "This building literally changed my life, not gonna lie." he says, turning back around. The hospital was miles away but Josh wouldn’t tell Chris that, only to spare himself the millions of complaints Chris would probably bombard him with. 

Surprisingly enough, Chris doesn’t notice how long it takes to get there. Josh is fortunately spared and he feels relieved. 

“Is this like a hospital?” Chris asks. They near the rusted doors of the hospital. “I swear if this place is a hub of bear traps, we’re zooming out of here.” Josh chuckles, letting go of Chris’s hand. He tries the handles and they’re so stiff and probably filled with some sort of icky substance that prevents them from being opened.

“Guess we’re doing the window strat.” Josh shrugs. Chris groans.

“No, dude. I don’t want you doing that. Your hand and your knuckles are already busted.”

Josh picks up a rock. He clicks his tongue. “Don’t worry, I’m galaxy braining right now.” He says, wiggling it back and forth in his hand. Chris follows Josh as he rounds about the building, finding a window that was big enough for them to crawl into.

Chris takes a deep, disappointed breath. Josh chucks the rock through the window instead of thrusting it. He was lenient on his knuckles this time, avoiding Chris’s gaze. “And we’re in.” Josh looks at Chris, ducked down and smirking as his leg is hooked in. He luckily dodged the excess glass.

“Hell no.” Chris says, gesturing to the aforementioned glass. “You think I’m climbing through that?” He sasses when Josh gives him a glare. Chris laughs. “Yeah.. no.” Josh sighs. Guess he was wrong. He wasn’t spared from the Chris Complaints™️. Great. Josh looks down to see if there’s anything on the hospital’s dirty floor. Dirt was filling the cracks of the tiles. Yuck.

Josh finds a fallen brick, not the one he used before. This whole place was falling apart. He skids it across the window, breaking off the excess glass. “Better now?” Josh quips, eyebrow raised.

Chris unfolds his arms. “Fine.” He says. Though he folds his sleeves over his palms and uses that as protection. Chris thinks it’ll take forever to climb over this probably but it took like 3 seconds. 

“See? Not that bad.” Josh shrugs, locking their hands together. “The rooftop like 4 stories up, so take a breath, bro.” Chris just groans again. Josh whacks his arm slightly and pulls him to the staircase. "C'mon Cochise, don't make this difficult." Chris pouts like a child, looking like an angry gnome or something. Except for the fact that he was 6 feet tall. 

After many, many complaints from Chris, Josh successfully brought him to the roof. He kept making unnecessary stops, saying his shoe was untied. But Josh told him to forget about it and just hurry up, which he didn't take lightly. That was the most frustrating 15 minutes of Josh's life. It usually took him maybe, 3-4 minutes going up that many stories. But Chris just had to make it the longest ever. He's a dork and Josh likes him.

The rooftop is chilly, sun shining behind thin, foggy clouds. The city is busy still, cars driving down the bridges. Some streetlights are still on despite it being 8 am. Josh presses up against the gate, fingers poking through the linked fence. Chris makes a sound of surprise.

"Wow, the view up here is..."

"Amazing." Josh finishes for him, knee propped up on a ledge that had the fence built into it. He loved this area, a lot. It brought him contentness. Some happiness. But he's looking for serenity. He's on a journey to find it. He hasn't told Chris, doesn't feel the need to. Josh runs a hand through his hair as he turns around, falling back against the fence.

"Wow, okay, model." Chris says, walking up to Josh, and placing his hands on Josh's hips. Josh chuckles at the remark. He poses dramatically. "Alright, stop flexing." the blond warns, their noses touching. "I wanna kiss you." 

"You don't need to ask." Josh responds. Chris doesn't say anything, and he traps the next words to come out of Josh's mouth against his lips. The wind blows, sounding like distant choir more than anything. 

* * *

When they go back to school on Monday, everything is a lot different. Not in the school - between them. There's no more sitting together at lunch and working. Instead, it's meeting in the control room that had all the buttons for the basketball games, and making out. It's Chris being rough sometimes and pinning Josh to his locker after school when Chris meets him at his last period when nobody else is there.

They haven't gone farther than that though. Josh has alluded to blowjobs, to future sex but he's not sure if Chris is even comfortable with doing that stuff. So he lays off, and doesn't mention it anymore. 

In addition to that, Chris has finally found out where Josh sits in his 2 periods. In the back. Like always. Josh has always sat in the back, willingly. He doesn't say anything most of the time, his head is usually down, in his arms or he's on his phone. There was no reason for him to talk. Until now. Chris got his seat changed, and sat next to Josh.

Josh tries to think and find more places for them to explore. He thinks of inviting Chris to his house soon, when his sisters and parents are out of the house. It's better like that. Hannah and Beth arguing is way too much for Josh to handle. Plus it's loud and he can't stand loud noises. It causes him to panic and it hurt his ears. Which is part of the reason why he goes out so often. Most of it's due to his therapist saying it would be good to go outside more, and Josh's love for nature.

He finds a date where they can hang out at Josh's house. He texts his mother, telling her beforehand. Luckily it's a date where all of his family members are gone. Josh tells Chris this in his last period. But then he realizes he didn't need to, because when he closes his locker, locking it shut, he turns around. Chris is there, leaning against the other lockers and bouncing off of it. Chris smirks and Josh is confused for a moment. 

"Hey-" Josh began to say, he was going to say something about Chris coming over. But Chris would rather do other things, like trapping Josh against his locker and kissing him. Like he did the other day. It's a deep kiss, and it lasts for so long, that when Josh pulls away, he's practically out of breath. "Damn. You excited to see me or what?"

"Uh, very." Chris confirms. 

Josh chuckles. "Before we continue, did you see my text?"

Chris nods. "Yeah, I'll talk to my dad about it." he kisses Josh again. "Want me to drive you home? Think it'll be good so I actually  _ know _ where your house is." 

"I have a feeling you don't  _ really _ want to drive me." Josh smirks, knowing what it entailed. Chris throws his hands up, saying 'you caught me'. He returns his hands to Josh's waist, sliding up and down. 

"Glad that I don't have PE. Thank God you do." Chris says, grimacing at the lockers. He looks down at Josh, who raised an eyebrow. "So I can do this every day."

"When'd you get so sly?" Josh asks. Chris shakes his head.

"Don't worry about it." he replies, and it sounds cryptic or something. He kisses Josh, deeper and longer than before. Josh doesn't expect for it to last so long to the point where he's on the bench of the lockers, pinned down onto his back. 

Josh takes his phone out of his pocket. It's 2:50, and their school dismissed literally 40 minutes ago. But Chris doesn't care and they might even stay here until 4:00.

Either way, Josh doesn't mind.


	10. Something Interesting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Staring at the phone.

Chris dropped Josh off at his house, and that was that. Josh sat in his living room, bored. Because Chris wouldn't like to be in a house full of yelling. His sisters were home, having yet another argument up in their room. Josh couldn't fucking take it. But he couldn't think of anywhere else to go, far, far away from here. He trudges to his room, and he locks the door.

Josh guessed that he’s in one of these ‘ruts’. He might be here forever. Will he just be this person for the rest of his life? The sad one? The one that goes to therapy? Josh lays in bed, trying to think of ‘happy things’. Can’t really think of much but it’s distracting him from other things. He turns on the TV moments later, trying to drown out his sisters’ yelling matches.

Josh texts Chris as the movie he chose plays. It’s loud, up to 50 percent volume. It does something, and Josh feels a little bit better when Chris sends him funny pictures. The smile feels natural, instead of forced like it usually was. 

He really wanted Hannah and Beth to leave, go somewhere else to argue. Or Hannah could go hang out with Sam and Beth could go be her green thumb self. Josh texts Hannah, telling her to hang out with Sam. She responds with _ fine _. 

Minutes tick by and Josh can hear the front door open. Hannah says something and then it’s silent. The twins’ door shuts. There’s banging on the wall. Josh sighs. He wants to leave too. But he just_ can’t _. His bed is like, a safe place now. Despite him loving the outside. He’s conflicted.

Josh makes his brain work. He just wanted to be alone in the house. His thoughts immediately go to “I want to be alone _ in my room _”. At the same time he wants someone, preferably Chris. His only friend at the moment. He was sort of friends with Sam. They didn’t talk a lot, only between hallways if Hannah wasn’t there. Josh’s phone buzzes.

_ beth: im going 2 the park, be back later _

Josh sighs again, texting her back with an affirmative ‘ok’. So he’s alone in the house now, the back door shutting loudly. Josh reluctantly invites Chris over, sending him the address despite his brain wanting to isolate. Chris sends back flushed emojis and Josh rolls his eyes.

Josh went downstairs, deciding that a drink would be a good refresher. Since Chris was coming over Josh had to be in a good mood at least. There’s some energy drinks in the pantry. Josh prepares a little cup and some ice. It crinkles when he pours in the fruit punch flavored energy drink.

He sat in the grand living room. The telephone was on the wall and Josh was transfixed by it for some reason. He was staring at the phone until Chris finally rang the doorbell, snapping Josh out of his staring spell. He slowly rises from the couch, heading to the front door. 

“Dude, this house is freaking huge.” Chris comments when he walks in, hanging his coat on the coat rack. Josh smirks a little bit, emotions not coming out like he thought they would. “How you doing?” The blond asks, gazing into Josh’s eyes in no other way than intimately. Josh found himself spacing off and caught himself before he fully projected out of his body or something. Chris walks closer towards him, arms outstretched and pulling him to his chest.

“Everything alright, man?” Chris inquires, forehead touching Josh’s. He lifts his head, lips grazing over Chris’s. They kiss. “You taste fruity.” He says when they part. 

Josh chuckles. He raises his drink and the ice floats in the fruit punch still left. Chris purses his lips, waggling his eyebrows. “What, you want it?”

“That _ and _ you.” Chris replies. Josh puts the drink down on a stand that held flowers. He looks up at Chris, and he can feel the energy slowly coming back. Maybe he just needed that push. He was about to go and isolate himself. His psychiatrist said it was a form of coping. Josh guessed it was true. 

They went to the living room, made out for a little. Josh put on a movie for background noise instead of just listening to the white noise and flooding air of the AC. Josh noted that this was the only time they got _ slightly _intimate. It’s probably just him reaching or something but his shirt was lifted up to his collar bones and he thought that it was gonna go further. But it didn’t.

He was resting his head on Chris’s shoulder. They were watching the movie finally, some horror film that was terrible so far. Josh felt weird, out of place. Even against Chris like this, not alone, not isolated. Chris kisses his head, taking his chin and lifting his head to kiss him on the lips. Josh doesn't invest into the kiss. Chris noticed apparently, staring into Josh's eyes.

"How you feel?" Chris asks, and he means it. Josh can feel it. He shrugs, lacking the words to describe his internal thoughts. They weren’t positive or anything. “You can tell me.” he says, interlocking their hands. Josh sighs, looking down at their hands. He lifts his head and pulls Chris in for another kiss, if only to deter him. 

"It's nothing." Josh's mind scrambles for an excuse. He finds one quickly. "Just.. Hannah and Beth's yelling, just got to me, it's fine now." he explains. None of it sits right in his mouth. But he ignores the weird feeling, and rests his head back against the couch, neck exposed. Chris hums, nodding understandingly. He presses his lips to Josh's neck. He can't help but giggle from the sensation. He's really sensitive right now it seems.

The blond pauses the movie, to which Josh whined at. He needed the background noise, but Chris insisted that they keep it off. He pins Josh down onto his back, holding his hands above his head. It's silent. 

* * *

Josh arranges a sleepover tomorrow and Chris likes the idea, very happy to spend a whole ass night with Josh. He can't imagine why, but he enjoys the kisses that he's given. They kiss a lot and Josh loves it. It makes him feel better sometimes, so if there's any chance for a kiss, Josh takes it. 

At school, Josh feels different, so he sits alone. He sits quietly in class, has his hood up most of the day. Feeling different sucks. Because sometimes he grows way too distant and it hurts to see Chris wince when Josh is rough with everything; kissing, taking stuff handed to him. This is the kind of different he's never felt. 

In gym, people are locking up their stuff. The bell was about to ring in 5 minutes or so. Josh sat, leaned against his locker, handle of the backpack locker digging into his spine. He ignored it, staring into his lap. Eventually, everyone leaves when the bell rings, school officially dismissed on this Monday morning. 

"Hey." Chris says. Josh lifts his head, looking at Chris quickly before looking back down again. How can he put this storm in his mind into words? He bites his lip, fighting the urge to cry. He is not going to cry. Not in front of Chris. He's not.

"Walk me home?" Josh asks after he says a 'hey' back. Chris takes his hand, pulling him from his seat, his bag's band falling. Chris kisses him.

"Sure." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry these r so short ;(


	11. No Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The big boys feel no sorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw// allusions to self harm and implications of drug use

This week was weird. It was very weird. Chris is kind of glad it's over, but he misses all of the kisses exchanged. Josh was okay now? He was acting strange on Friday, and that whole week. But now he's upbeat, ready to go and see what the world has to offer. Tonight they're having another sleepover. The one on Sunday could be described as the most memeiest thing that Chris has ever experienced.

Josh's house was freaking humongous. Chris knew his dad was loaded, but holy crap. He's going for a second time today, and he thought that if he was friends with a rich kid, he'd only want to go to their house just for it being huge. But he wants to spend time with  _ Josh _ . And Josh only. His charisma got to Chris, and he isn't even mad about it. Plus he's super fucking cute. His nose scrunches made Chris's insides melt, if he's being real.

The snowfall wasn't that extreme, but it numbed Chris's cheeks. He tried warming up, rubbing his hands together swiftly to generate some heat. He hopes Josh put the dang heater on, because Chris might contract hypothermia by the time he reaches Josh's house. In the back of his mind, he hopes the future kissing will help him warm up. 

He kind of remembered where the Washington household was, even though he was only there once. Chris would just have to turn this corner, and he'd be right at the gates of the house. He notices that they're already open and just pushes through, walking up to the expansive porch of the house. On the left, a rocking chair rocked by the window. It was unusually silent. Chris reaches for the door to knock, but the wind blows it open. He raises his eyebrow.

There's faint eerie, classical music playing in the halls. Chris shudders, not from the cold. His body is coursed through with goosebumps, and he steps inside. He closes the door, the winds trying to pull it open. It successfully clicks shut. "Josh?" he calls out, hoping for a response. There is none.

Chris walks into the grand foyer, chandelier swinging. It wasn't on, hanging there lifelessly. Below the double set of spiral staircases was a long hallway that lead to the outside, blanketed by snow. To Chris it was like an illusion, because was there even a door there? It looked like large glass. Although what gave it away was the golden bars on them. 

The source of the music probably came upstairs. Chris looks to his left, where a staircase was. There was this large bridge above, connected with the stairs, many trophies and statues sat on tables that were pushed against the bars. To Chris's right was the kitchen, large and freshly cleaned. The doorway was tall, double Chris's height. Quite a sight. Though Chris wasn't really enjoying it since the music psyched him out. Why was Josh so mysterious?

Chris slowly moves to the right staircase, after removing his snow-muddled boots. He walks up the steps, looking at the tiles below. The music grew louder as Chris went into the hallway. At the end of it, there was a lone table, the size of a bedside table. It had several framed pictures on it. Chris looked around, seeing more pictures framed on the walls. He stared at the family photo collages. It was a group photo, and they were on this summer trip it seemed. In the corner it said "MIAMI" in sharpie.

Chris walks down the hallway further, stopping at Josh's door. It was open just a little. He heard faint clattering in the room, but he didn't see any movement inside. He lets out a breath, heavy and he didn't know he was holding it in. The clattering stops.

He backs away from the door, shoving his hands in his pockets. Chris clears his throat quietly, trying not to draw more attention. He walks down to the other side, near the table on the bridge. He studies the pictures there. He notices a tiny book. It wasn't that tiny but it probably had another version where it had to be huge. Chris picked it up, reading the golden lettering on the front. It read "The Quran". Chris looked at the other photos, seeing Josh's mother and father, presumably from back in the day. They were clothed modestly, and Chris wasn't able to see all of Josh's mother's face, only her eyes visible.

"Cochise!" Josh's voice startles him and Chris puts the Quran down. Josh is squeezing his wrist from over top a black sleeve. He looked pained and his eyes were puffy. "Forgot you were coming." Josh says, chuckling a little. He walks up to Chris. "You like these photos or something? They're old as hell."

Chris snorts quietly. "Never seen your parents before. Your dad is really the only exception." he picks up the frame with Josh's parents in the photo. "When was this?  _ Where _ was this? I don't recognize this place at all."

Josh looks over Chris's shoulder. "Qatar, I'm pretty sure. They moved from there to the West Coast, then we moved here, Minnesota." he smiles and puts a cold hand over Chris's, making him put the picture back. "I missed you." Josh says, hands sliding behind Chris's neck and they're  _ so, so cold _ . 

"For a day?"

"Yeah, man. You complete me." Josh replies, ducking his head down to press their lips together. He presses up close to Chris, and their lips ghost over each other. Chris stares into the storm of Josh's eyes, a mixture of hazel and blue, a beautiful combination. His pupils were huge, almost engulfing the colors of his eyes. Chris doesn't comment on it.

"You're so cold. I just warmed up, bro." Chris whines to take his mind off of the way that Josh slightly squirmed in pain. He still looked hurt, hissing quietly whenever he moved his arm. "Are you alright?"

"Must've slept on it wrong." Josh responds too quickly as he held his wrist. Chris reaches for it, trying to see what the matter was. Josh moves away before he can. "I'm sure it's fine, it'll go away, no biggie." 

Chris resigns, and looks around the house. "So, everyone's out today?" he asks, eyes coming to contact with Josh's, who nods. 

"We can be as loud as we want." he says, really  _ really _ suggestively. Chris feels his cheeks heat up. Josh always alluded to sex, but they never actually got there. To Chris, it felt like they would be going too fast. He got the feeling that it would make Josh uncomfortable, since he never expressed wanting to just get naked like that. They would only kiss, kiss and kiss until maybe a shirt was moved up way too high. 

Josh kisses him again. "Let's go to my room. Got a movie we can watch to pass the time. I'll order some food soon." he says. Chris doesn't argue with it.

Of course they do anything but pay attention to the movie. Chris has Josh in his lap, sliding his hands up and down his sides. It's one of those moments where sex would probably be what someone expected but Josh didn't let Chris even lift up his shirt, always mumbling against his lips that, 'no, it's fine, just leave it'. Chris was worried, to say the least.

The doorbell is rung. "Oh." Josh pulls away only a bit, their lips grazing. Then he fully pulls away. "God, I'm hungies." he says, suddenly in his jokey mode. Chris chuckles at the word choice, placing a hand on Josh's jaw and giving a quick peck to his cheek.

"Hungies, bro?" Chris smiles at him. Josh flicks his nose, causing his glasses to move down an inch. He pouts, offended. Josh laughs from his stomach, sliding off of the bed and heading downstairs. Chris decides to explore a little bit. He enters the connected bathroom by Josh's desk, walking inside. The cabinets are open, the contents messed up. Chris sees bottled pills, bags of powder and he's confused. The bottled pills say 'fluoxtine', Josh's name and the date and other descriptions. He remembers that it's an antidepressant. But he doesn't want to know what the bagged substance is. So he leaves.

Josh comes back in a minute after Chris retreated to the bed, tapping his fingers on his knees idly. Josh has several bags. "Oh my God, these are so fucking heavy." it was Chinese food, and it smelled delicious. Chris hasn't had it in a hot minute. He remembers the last time he got it, he was like 12 years old. He's been making his own food lately, steering clear of unhealthy foods such as this, but one day won't screw it up. Chris has moderation.

Josh only got a tiny bowl of a serving of chow mein, and some mushroom chicken. He plays with it mostly as the movie plays. He's leaned against Chris, now unusually quiet. He finally takes two more bites of his food. Chris finished his small serving, trashed it in the bag and slung an arm around Josh, who squirmed. 

They watched three more movies, and time flew by fast. The trash was all thrown away, and it was silent save for the movie playing. Josh sniffled at one point, then it became kind of a frequent occurance. Chris noticed the first time, then he did something about it. That something being lifting Josh's head by his chin with two fingers. 

"You alright? The movie makin' you real emotional?" Chris asks, having to throw a joke in there. Josh's eyes were red and he looks away, chuckling.

"I'm just.. I'm happy you're here." 

"I'm happy you are too."

Josh snaps out of it moments later, shaking his head as if to shake the feeling. He turns off the movie. The Amazon Prime menu shows up, Josh clicks the YouTube app. "Up for some dancing?" he asks, standing up. Chris laughs.

"Really? At 8 pm?" Chris asks incredulously. He was gonna make another quip but Josh is unbuttoning his shirt, at an angle so that Chris can't see his full torso. Chris does a wolf whistle, and it makes Josh retract with a laugh.

"Oh my God, don't do that." he says. "I'm gonna go dress into something more comfortable for dancing." Josh adds, going into his closet and picking out some loose fit clothing. He stares at Chris for a moment. Chris stares back, confused. "Out. Privacy, Cochise." Josh shooes him with a hand.

"Oh- yeah, right. Right." Chris bows a little, heading out the door and standing by the wall. Josh calls him back in seconds later. The brunet reaches over to grab the fire stick remote. He's dressed in silky pajamas, striped pastel blue. Chris chuckles, walking over to him and pulling him into an embrace. "What kind of music are you playing?" Josh wiggles a little to move his arms. He rests against Chris, pressing the circular pad on the remote.

"Dunno, been feeling 80s music as of late." Josh says, typing in a song Chris didn't know. It starts off upbeat, Chris makes out the word 'Venice'. "I love this song, okay, don't judge." Josh turns to him, bodies still pressed close. It's Little Girl by Sandra, from 1985. Chris thinks it's good. 

Josh sways to it, mouthing the words. He's like, sensually dancing right in front of Chris, bodies barely touching. He's moving his hips in such a way that makes Chris feel  _ something _ come on, down there. He chuckles as Josh twirls.

"C'mon, Cochise, don't leave me hanging. Dance with me." Josh says, and his voice gets dark at the end of his sentence, head tilted and he's sliding up against Chris. He moves his hands down Chris's arms to lock their fingers together. Chris smiles, because Josh looks happy, looks content and he starts to sway and move his head to the music.

The song ends and by that point Josh is kissing Chris, ice cold hands on his neck with his eyes closed. His legs were lifted off the ground eventually, Chris's hands underneath his thighs as he holds him up. Josh giggles against his lips. 

"I love you." 

Chris swallows, and it's real. "I love you too." he kisses Josh again. He lays him down onto the bed, still kissing him. Peppering his neck, his collarbones, cheeks and lips. He starts to button down Josh's shirt, but a hand on his wrist stops him.

"Not so fast, Cochise." Josh says, but it's not in a teasing way. "You wanna wait for this?" he asks. Chris senses that Josh really doesn't want to get any more intimate than this. So he stops, shaking his head.

"Only if you want." Chris replies against Josh's lips. They were cold, soft. Chris makes some comment in the back of his mind; Josh had nice lips, they were pretty big, Chris liked the shape of them. Perfect for kissing actually, so he kisses them again. "Only if you want." he repeats. Josh whispers a 'thank you'. 


	12. The Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No, the moon.

Want to go somewhere?” Josh asks, upside down on Chris’s bed. The other is organizing movies and Wii games. “Thinking like.... another abandoned building? Or a hidden beach?” Josh suddenly shoots up. “Yes! Yes, we should go to the hidden beaches!” Chris turns his head, cheeks hurting because he was smiling so hard at Josh’s excitement. 

“Are there even beaches here?”

“Yeah dude.  _ Hidden _ beaches.” Josh repeats as if it’s obvious. “It’s in Silver Bay. Pretty far but it won’t take us a whole day, promise.” he says, standing on his legs and grabbing his coat from off of the floor. Josh snatches his phone out of his bag. Chris stands, closing the drawer of the TV stand. 

“How far?”

“Like 4 hours far.”

Chris scoffs. “Dude. 4 hours? I cannot drive for four hours straight. Is there other ways we could get there?” Josh sighs, sitting back on Chris’s bed.

“There’s no buses that’ll take us directly to Silver Bay. We’ll take breaks, you won’t _ have _ to drive for that long without stopping. I’ll bring some food my mom made.” Josh says. He’s so excited. Chris resigns, and it sounds fun. Going to the beach. But it was 12 PM, they might get there at like 4 PM. Chris doesn’t know how long they’ll stay there. They didn’t have much homework to do. Not anything that Chris can’t do in class anyways, so he supposes it’s fine.

“Alrighty, Cochise. You ready?” Josh asks, phone screen showing the weather. “October weather is pretty chilly. 73 degrees out.” Josh reads and closes his phone, pocketing it as he walks out of Chris’s room. “Quick stop by my house and I’ll get the food and drinks.”

“What kind of food is it?”

“Hmm... for you I’d say it’s foreign.”

Chris clicks his tongue. “Ah. There’s spices, isn’t there?” he asks. He loved spices.

“Yessir. You’ll like it, I think.” 

Josh closes the front door, descending down the porch stairs in that massive coat, and a slouchy beanie. He has fingerless gloves holding a bag strap, whatever was in the bag looks pretty heavy. Chris has his hand on the wheel, smiling when he sees the other's beaming expression. Josh hooks a hand on the passenger door.

"I got a heating pad in here. So it's not gonna be ice cold."

Chris drifts slowly out of the neighborhood of grand houses. "What's it called?"

"It's kabsa, my mom makes it like, every day for lunch." Josh explains, buckling himself in as he sets the bag onto the floor of the car. "We can stop at the gas station on the way. Maybe an hour in." Chris groans. "Shush it, Cochise. This can be our 3rd date."

"Really? We've only been on 3?"

"Yep. We might be here for a while. Full moon tonight. And I wanna see it." Josh says. Chris stops at a red light. "With you." Chris smiles, reaching a hand over the center console and squeezing the brunet's hand. He keeps their enlocked hands on the console as he drives straight down, using the GPS installed in his car. Josh reaches over with his other hand to turn on the radio. "You already have a Christmas radio?"

"Yeppers. Christmas is my favorite holiday."

"Cuz it has your name in it or.."

Chris scoffs. "You dare accuse me of being that vain? Well, you're right." 

Josh laughs, free and heavenly. "You know it." he says. 

An hour into the drive, the Shell gas station in view. Chris pulls into it, car running low. Josh sits cross-legged in the passenger's seat, making funny faces at Chris as he waits for the tank to fill. Chris narrows his eyes at the brunet, not amused. He ducks back into the car after it's filled, revving up the engine.

"Bro, we can get some drinks." Josh says, hand on Chris's that was on the stick shift.

"Oh fuck, you're right. I'm thirsty as hell." he replies. He pulls the key out of the ignition. "How bout you go do it." Josh glares at him. Chris tries to not shake under his gaze cuz a Josh death stare meant  _ literal _ fucking death. "C'mon bro, I just got the gas and drove us here. Just get me a Coke or somethin'." 

Josh huffs. "Fine, fair point, Christopher. Give me your wallet."

"Hell to the fuckin' no, bro. You have money, rich kid."

"Not on me," Josh counters. "Hand it over, bitch boy." Chris sighs as he hands his boyfriend the wallet. "It's not that much, dude. Just a dollar per drink. You savin' the 2 dollars for me?" the brunet pouts. Chris laughs.

"Fuck no. Just go get the drinks,  _ sweetheart. _ " Josh glares at him again before exiting the car, door slamming loudly and Chris lets out a large exhale because he thought he would never escape that. 

They stop at other gas stations along the way. The GPS finally beeps when they've reached the stopping point just behind the beach. Josh said it was called the Black Beach, the sand a dark grey and it was 4 PM like Chris had thought it would be. Josh takes the bag as he excitedly exits the car with his drink in hand. It was a pretty far walk to the actual beach but it paid off because holy shit it was beautiful.

Josh sighs, smiling as he sits down on the grey sand. "Come sit." he says, cheeky smile all radiant and so beautiful, as beautiful as the beach. Chris sits down beside him, legs crossed and he takes the meal from Josh's hands. It was kept warm through the whole drive with the heat pack. Josh smiles, gaze down. "You know..." he starts. Chris looks at him, attention to him fully. "I never thought I'd have someone like you." Josh says, eyes still down. "I love you." he finishes, eyes shining when they meet Chris's. The green is an emerald hue, so gorgeous in the wake of the sunlight. Chris kisses him, sending back the same level emotion.

They turn, facing each other as they talk. Josh finishes his food, capping it with the plastic tupperware lid. Chris finishes shortly after and it's 5:30 PM, sun starting to go down behind the rock they were hid behind. Josh falls softly onto the sand blissfully. He reaches a hand out and Chris takes it, holding it warmly in his own. 

He wondered how things got this way. And by no means is he complaining. Chris has been mostly alone for his whole life. He had a friend or two in elementary school, had one in middle school but it never lasted. This is one that Chris wants to last. His junior year of high school, and he envisions that he'll spend his whole senior year with Josh, and after they graduate. Maybe they'll be even more than that. Chris doesn't wanna reach but he can see himself married to Josh. 

It's 6 PM, 15 minutes before it hits 6:30. It's dark, the sun has disappeared and Josh looks up into the sky for the moon. Chris does too, stars slowly appearing in the sky, dotted along it, with shiny elements. Josh sighs contentedly, dragging a finger in the sand. He draws a heart, real old school with their names and a plus sign. Chris looks down, seeing the first letters of their names.  _ 'J+C' _ . He smiles, lifting his head and he makes eye contact with Josh. He holds his hand, slowly bringing it to his lips. Chris can literally feel Josh heating up.

"Too romantic for you?" Chris says after a peck to his knuckles, mumbling against them and Josh shudders.

"Ugh, fuck you." Josh grumbles. Chris laughs, holding his hand still. He checks the time. It's 6:20 PM, and it got slightly darker. Josh sips on his soda, the one they got at their second stop at the other gas station. 

When it turns 7, Josh's head is in Chris's lap as they watch the sky, the moon slowly coming up. Josh seems excited, sitting up and moving his head to Chris's shoulder. "The moon is so pretty. Like, we don't ever show her love, the fuck." 

"You pray to the moon every night or something?" Chris jokes.

"I should start."

They sat there forever. Chris isn't mad about it. He loved every minute, every second, every milisecond. He ruffles Josh's hair, a mess of dark curls. The brunet turns, eyes locking onto Chris's and it's an intimate stare. Chris is blushing under Josh's gaze. The other moves, pinning him to the sand. 

"On the beach?"

"You haven't done it on a beach?"

Chris laughs. "No, man. Have you? I think the fuck not." 

Josh leans down, kissing him softly. "You caught me." he says. Chris's hands travel down to Josh's waist, tracing down the curve of his hips. 

"You ever done this at all?"

Josh hums thoughtfully. "Eh, I almost did but we didn't get to it." Chris stops. Something about the word 'we' makes him tighten his grip. And maybe it showed, because Josh giggles. "Jealous, Cochise?" the brunet teases. Chris rolls his eyes.

At a point, they move, with Josh beneath him with his shirt rolled up and Chris has no idea why it was so fast but he is not complaining at all. He presses soft kisses down Josh's torso, a hand moving to his hip again on the belt loops of his jeans. 

"This is really happening, isn't it?" Chris asks, now hovering over Josh. 

Josh nods, gradually blinking as Chris leans down for another kiss, a hand cupping his chin. He slides a hand up and down, from Josh's chest to his abdomen. Fingers like cotton as they lightly trace over his brown skin. 

This goes on long enough to where the moon is shining on them. The moonlight hazing slightly over Josh's features as he finally let himself go. Josh felt amazing, and Chris made sure to tell him that and he won't mention the fact that Josh might have a thing for being praised during sex. He held Josh's hips, his leg under Chris's arm. They're kissing again, and everything is so perfect, so ethereal. The moonglow is making everything shine, like the emerald green of Josh's big eyes. 

It's so not how Chris imagined his second time having sex to go. He thought it'd be in a different room, but not outside. His first time having sex was just in his room, and that was last year. Now he's having it on the beach, the onyx beach of Minne-fucking-sota. 

Chris didn't say anything after they were done, only smiling against Josh's lips. "Gimme your flannel." Josh says, as he wipes the mess off with his t-shirt, which was his only layer. Chris shrugs off his grey flannel, giving it to Josh, who tugs it on. It's baggy on him, which was understandable since Josh was a smaller size, but he looked fucking cute, goddamnit.

Chris grabs his coat, and his other one. Josh's back is facing him as the brunet stuffs the dirty shirts in the bag, along with the tupperware that he said was going to be thrown out anyway. Chris lays the thickest coat over Josh. "Where'd yours go?"

"Left it in the car." Josh says, leaning against Chris. He turns his head, meeting him halfway for a kiss. "I love you." 

Their lips are grazing over each other. "I love you too." 


	13. Messy Curls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baked goods.

It's a holiday weekend. Josh is taking a shower in Chris's house. Saturday was boring, always. Chris never found anything to do. But since Josh is here- no. No. Chris doesn't wanna fuck all the time, so he's suppressing it. It's because his first time with  _ Josh _ was everything he wanted and more. Josh walks out of the bathroom and into Chris's room with a towel wrapped around his waist. He sighs as he closes the bedroom door, walking over to Chris's drawer. Chris chuckles, the other's wet hair a laughable sight.

Josh rolls his eyes at Chris, hands fumbling through the top drawer. He takes out these plaid green boxers, a big Marvel t-shirt, and socks. "So you're stealing my entire wardrobe?"

"Well yeah. Shall I not?" Josh has a puppy face, grabbing the items of clothing and taking it back into the bathroom.

"Thought you'd dress in here."

Josh tuts. "You want me to? Perv." he says over his shoulder, hand on the doorknob. Chris smiles slightly, looking down abashed. He can feel the heat radiating off of his face. The door shuts, and only the small buzz of the TV is able to be heard, along with Josh making noise in the bathroom. Chris likes the turn his life made so far. He's glad that they moved to Minnesota. He's glad that he met Josh.

"Alright!" Josh announces loudly when he opens the door, now clad in boxers and t shirt. "I was thinking we could go out and get food. A date, if you will." he says. Chris smiles again, looking up at the brunet. "I'm gonna borrow your sweatpants." Josh adds as he opens the bottom drawer. He takes out some Champion ones that are black, pulling them on. 

"C'mon, get dressed. We gotta go when it's early because it gets crowded fast." Josh says, grabbing some sneakers that were busted up. Chris took some Vans, taking his phone from the nightstand. It's November, nearing Thanksgiving. Neither of their families celebrated it. Chris likes to think that his reasoning is that Thanksgiving has a shitty history. 

Chris has his car keys in his pocket, jingling audibly as he takes out two coats. It's about 40 degrees out, usually always cold in the morning Chris has learned. Josh takes one of the bigger coats, wrapping himself in it, and a scarf around his neck. He has another scarf wrapped around his head and neck, a beanie over his head as a top. Chris chuckles at how much Josh is bundled up. And Josh has the nerve to tease Chris about his layers of clothing.

"How much are you actually wearing?"

"I got like two jackets on. I took your long sleeve by the way. I might keep it." Josh says. Chris pulls him closer by his hips, nose buried in the beanie. He kisses Josh's forehead. "It's not far." he says softly. Chris smiles, as usual. He keeps smiling today. He can't catch himself frowning when he's with Josh.

"What's it called?"

"Bakers Square. It's on Madison Avenue." Josh answers. His voice is really quiet now. "I need to stop at my house and get my things."

Chris has his arms on Josh's waist. "Let's go then."

"You got everything?" Josh asks. Chris hums with a nod. His face is still buried in the soft cloth of Josh's beanie, and they stand there for a couple of minutes despite Chris saying 'let's go'. They do eventually move, going downstairs. Josh is in front, going to Chris's car and not daring to touch the cold handles.

The car chirps as Chris presses the button. Josh hops in the passenger's seat, smiling down at his hands when Chris sits in the driver's seat. The car rumbles as Chris pulls out of the garage, and onto the main road. The Washingtons lived maybe 5 minutes away, Chris lived near the richer area despite not being rich at all.

Josh makes Chris wait in the car as he gets his stuff. He comes back out with fingerless gloves, his phone and his wallet. He's back in the passenger's seat as the car revs up again.

"Madison Avenue, you said?" Chris asks to be sure.

"Mhm. You have GPS? It's honestly not that far." Josh says.

Chris laughs. "I'll probably need GPS anyway I'm an actual dumbass." Josh chuckles, buckling back in. Chris does find the breakfast place without GPS. But Josh did tell him what turns to make so technically he did use GPS but it was Josh edition.

It smelled of bread when they went in, immediately blasted with warmth, but it still has a chill that somehow seeps through the pair's thick clothing layers. Josh leads Chris to a back table, right under a window that has foggy sunlight peeking in. Since its early in the morning, Bakers Square is selling breakfast goods, and Josh immediately goes to drooling about strawberry crepes. Chris just wants a waffle. Like that guy from that one vine.

Chris orders a Belgian waffle and Josh practically squeals when he finds the strawberry crepe on the menu. The waitress comes over with a smile on her face, hair tied back, notepad prepared and pen pinched between her fingers. She writes down their orders accordingly.

Josh doesn't look sad, he looks happy. So Chris is happy, leaning his head to one side, resting against his fist as he adores the brunet silently. Josh seems unaware that he's doing this, looking to his left at the workers behind the counters and in the kitchen. It wasn't too crowded in the restaurant but Josh said it got kinda busy during the lunch hours.

Chris keeps staring at Josh's features, eyes probably glazed over because he's internally in awe at how he got so lucky. The waitress comes back with their ordered foods, and Josh is smiling wide and taking the dishes and setting them down on the table. 

"Yes, yes, yes." Josh says, smiling down at his breakfast. Chris unwraps some of the forks laid out on the table, handing the other to Josh. The brunet hums pressing the side of the fork into the end of the crepe and parting it to the side, lifting it to his mouth once he plucked it with the pointed ends of the tines. Josh is visibly savoring the flavor and smiling delightfully. "Cochise, these are so fucking good. Have you ever tried a crepe?" he asked. 

Chris is being honest. He hasn't. "Nope-" Josh raised his fork to Chris, a piece of crepe impaled on the points. It's right in front of Chris's mouth, practically grazing his lips so he has no choice but to take a bite. The flavor danced along his taste buds, and it did taste really good. "Wow." is all he says.

"Right? I've been here like 20 times  _ just _ for the crepes." Josh said, taking a bite of another piece. Chris breaks off a piece of waffle with his fork, doing the same for all sides of the waffle. He plays with the pieces idly as he stares at Josh again, soft smile on his face as he watched his boyfriend finish the plate. 

"You gonna eat that?" Josh asks him and Chris snaps out of this love-induced trance he was caught in. 

"Uh yeah."

Josh snickered. "You seem very distracted." he says in this tone that is nothing other than teasing. Chris takes a bite of his waffle, narrowing his eyes at Josh. "Am I wrong?" he asks innocently. He laughs when Chris just turns his head away. 

Chris finishes his plate finally, folding up the napkin and eventually crumpling it. He finds the trash can and tosses it, coming back to Josh standing up and stretching. "We done here?" the brunet asks, sighing. He takes out his wallet but Chris stops him.

"I'll pay." Chris says, pressing a kiss to Josh's forehead.

"What a gentleman."

"Shush." 

***

When they're back at Chris's house, Josh immediately takes off his coat, letting it hang on the coat rack as he grabs a lollipop from the jar of sweets by the rack and door. Chris is way behind him, unable to catch up and match Josh's level of energy in the morning. He brushes off snow from his coat, taking off his beanie and then he looks up. Josh is looking at him over his shoulder, cherry lollipop tracing across his lips purposefully seductively. Chris narrows his eyes at Josh for the second time, shrugging off his coat after he unbuttons it, and the jackets underneath. It drops to the floor carelessly and it stays there.

They never had sex right off the bat like this, it was usually dragged out but this time Chris was rougher and Josh was more of a tease (even though that's how he normally is). Josh ends up with bites on his neck, hips and stomach. They both share disheveled hair, and clothes that are now too loose.

Josh is curled into his side. "Goddamn," he groans as he tries to sit up. "You had no mercy, shit." he says, laughing slightly as he turns more to his side to press himself further into Chris's chest. Josh lifts his head, taking two fingers and pressing them to the side of the blond's jaw. Their lips connect softly until Josh pushes him down to the arm of the couch.

"Round 2?" Chris says as Josh moves from his lips to his neck.

"Nah, but I don't wanna be the only one with a million hickies." Josh says in between harsh bites. Eventually the brunet trails back up to Chris's lips, drawing him into a deep kiss that lasts forever and Chris is not complaining.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg i finally updated!!!!


	14. Eternal Sadness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The spirit of our times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> today's a good day, That Kid is releasing his album. i am happy. btw this is NOT going to be a sad ending its actually very happy, i lied to you with the chapter title.

Chris is awake and it's 3 AM. Josh is asleep, pressed into his side, snoring lightly, hair still disheveled from a few days ago. Chris sighs quietly, room filtered blue like an aquarium and it reminds him of his first date with Josh. He doesn't know where the feeling comes from; this feeling of desolate sadness. If that even embodies what he's feeling. Nothing feels right and maybe it's because Chris just woke up and it's the witching hour and he always gets these feelings of doom and not belonging. 

Josh stirs beside him, eventually blinking his eyes open and holding onto Chris tighter. "What's up?" he asks, immediately recognizing something was off. Chris sighs again, hand travelling to the small of Josh's back. He can't bring himself to speak. "C'mon, bro. I know you're awake. Talk to me." the brunet says, hand trailing to Chris's cheek, making him look to the side. Josh's eyes are bright and tired at the same time. Chris doesn't wanna bother him.

"Nothing, it'll go away." Chris settles on. He's had these feelings before and they've always gone before anything really happened. Josh sighs, sitting up slightly, leaned on one arm, hand digging deep into the mattress. He moves, straddling Chris's waist and he leans down, coaxing the blond into soft kisses. 

"Tell me." Josh says, now laying on top of him and they're close, small distance between them and Chris does want to tell him but he doesn't want Josh to take it the wrong way. Like Chris doesn't feel invested in the relationship- he totally is. But right now, nothing feels right, like Josh is going to leave, or it'll all end soon. 

"I dunno, man. I feel like nothing's gonna last. But I get this feeling every once in a while and it goes away, so really. It's fine." Chris says in a stream. Josh frowns, hand petting Chris's hair slowly and gently. "I don't want you to leave."

"I'm not. Never will, cochise. I get those all the time." he says with a sigh. "It gets bad sometimes, but I'm never going away." Josh kisses him softly. "Never." he cups the blond's cheeks, smiling down at him. "I love you." 

"I love you more." Chris says, and Josh laughs, falling beside him. 

"Wanna go somewhere?"

"It's 3 AM, where are we going to go? Plus, my parents are home." Chris tells him and Josh flicks his nose.

"Sneak out. I found a place."

"'Course you did. Where is it?" Chris says, excitement slowly coiling in his stomach. Josh sits up and slides off the bed, and he's in Chris's closet, taking out big coats and jackets. 

"It's on the outskirts of town. It's a park. But they're not open right now-"

"Might I remind you it's 3 o' clock and we're going to a closed park?" Chris says, pulling on his jackets anyway as Josh finds these random Converse high tops Chris had no idea he had. "Also, do your parents know you're at my house?"

"Your parents don't even know I exist, cochise. I told mine I was at Sam's." Josh buttons up the coat. "Speaking of, are you ever going to tell them about me?" he asks. Chris nods because yeah, he was going to tell them eventually. He's been with Josh for like 2 months, and it honestly didn't feel like 2 months, Chris felt like he's known him forever. 

December literally started tonight. The weather got snowy. Josh wore the scarf around his neck and head again, finding these tight black jeans in Chris's closet somehow and some boots. Chris watched as Josh opened Chris's window, looking both ways and up and down.

"It's starting to snow. We can go now." Josh says, grabbing his charging phone from the nightstand and shoving it deep in his pockets, finding his school bag in Chris's room. He takes out two things Chris can't really make out and he tries to get a closer look but Josh has already hidden them in his pockets. He tosses Chris's phone to him. 

Josh bends a leg on the sill as he opens the window fully, pushing himself out of the room and onto the roof above the porch. Chris sighs, taking what he needs before following Josh out of the window. The brunet offered some steadiness, grabbing Chris's hand with his own, donned in fingerless gloves. Josh shuts the window, leaving a small space open. 

Chris goes into pussy mode when Josh is waiting for him on the ground. "Come on, cochise, you'll be fine!" Josh says, a mix of a whisper and a shout. "Just make sure your foot hits the pillar here." he says as he taps a small pillar that really had no purpose at all. But it made sneaking out easier, not for Chris though, he's never snuck out of his window before.

When Chris finally shakes his fear off, he slides down the frost covered roof, foot hitting the pillar and he pulls himself off of it once his foot leaves the pillar, and he's on the ground beside Josh. 

"That was terrifying." Chris says and Josh laughs at him. 

* * *

Chris still feels this feeling of an ending. Almost like the world is ending but it isn't, maybe it is. He holds onto Josh's hand with a tight grip as Josh stops by Chris's car.

"You brought your keys, right?"

"Well, when you said outskirts, my keys were the first thing I grabbed." Chris says, reaching into his pockets and plucking his keys out by the ring. "Thank god my parents sleep through actual earthquakes." he says, the car chirping. Josh chuckles, hand disconnecting from Chris's and he rounds around the front of the car to the passenger's side. 

"You got an address for this?" Chris asks, car rumbling as he begins to pull out of the driveway. Josh nods with a hum.

"Yup yup." he says, working with the GPS until it registers the address. The robotic voice sends Chris directions throughout the ride and there's no talking between them, but it's comfortable and it doesn't feel like Chris fucked it up or something. 

On the way to this _ closed _ park, Josh tells Chris to stop by a 7-Eleven to get some snacks and drinks. Chris is hoping one is coming up soon, 'cause if not, he and Josh are going to be severely dehydrated by the time they get to the park. 

Chris stays in the car when Josh tells him that there's a 7-Eleven around the corner. Josh gives himself 5 minutes to come back and Chris feels himself start to get worried because it's like 4 AM, they're in some quiet part of town that looks very shady and Chris vaguely remembers a whole bunch of crimes being reported here. 

Josh comes back in the time he said, having a bag of small bagged chips and 4 bottles of soda. He rests it at the bottom below the dashboard. "Alright, I think we're set," Josh says, looking at Chris with a smile before it falters. "What's wrong?" 

"Are we gonna get busted for being at this park?"

"Nah, it's a huge ass park and there's one park ranger who couldn't give less of a shit. We'll be fine." Josh says, planting a kiss on Chris's cheek. Chris starts up the car again and the GPS resumes moments later as he follows its directions to this park that he's never heard of. He doesn't know how Josh found it or what it even was exactly. Was it a dog park? A golf park? 

The park, Josh said, was on the outskirts of town. Chris didn’t even know what they were gonna do there because when he pictures the outskirts of something he thinks of emptiness and nothing to do. But he’s never been anywhere but his room and the places Josh has taken him so far. 

Chris parks near the park when they get to it, not too far away but he doesn’t wanna be caught and have to run to the car. Josh leads him into it and Chris isn’t really paying attention to anything but they’re in the park now, dark green plains and slopes. It's actually very beautiful. Chris looks at Josh, moonlight hitting him at a gorgeous angle. His green eyes are sparkling, lit up by the moon’s gaze. 

Chris initiates the kiss, Josh doesn’t seem to mind, he's the one who deepens it. The snow, by the looks of it, had stopped. Maybe they’re just far away but Chris is glad it did. Josh pulls from the kiss, taking Chris’s hand and taking him around the park.

“This was the last place we ever went as a family. We don’t even go to the lodge up in Alberta anymore cuz Dad is so busy.” Josh starts, sighing sadly. “Then Hannah and Beth keep fighting. Nothing’s good at home right now.” he explains. “I want to stay with you. Forever preferably.” Josh draws Chris into a loose embrace, he locks their fingers together. 

“I love you.” Chris says, because it’s what he feels and he’s looking at Josh with nothing but love because he can’t believe he got so lucky and even fell in love with someone this great. 

“I love you more.” Josh replies with a smirk, obviously referencing what Chris said earlier and he presses a soft kiss to the blond’s lips. “This place means a lot to me. We had so much fun here, but it was so long ago. I miss it.” Josh says, voice shaking slightly. “Back when Dad actually used to talk to me, and Mom wasn’t so burnt out.” 

Josh looks up as if he snapped out of some trance. “Sorry I- I didn’t drag you out here to listen to me cry about stupid things.” he waves himself off, arms wrapping around Chris’s neck.

“No, no don’t be sorry, dude.” Chris says immediately, hands sliding to Josh’s waist, underneath the flaps of his coat that became unbuttoned when Josh came back from the 7-Eleven. Josh smiles at the grass, looking at the bag of snacks and drinks that sat there. 

“Enough of this sad shit, huh?” Josh says, pulling from Chris gently to grab the bag and he takes out a bottle of Dr. Pepper. Josh twists the cap open and takes a swig of it. He shrugs off his coat, arm after arm, letting it fall to the grass. Josh sits atop it, knees bent and he leans back. Chris joins him.

Chris takes a bottled Coke, taking small sips unlike Josh who is chugging it down like he’s at a party. “Chill bro, you’re gonna choke.” Chris says.

“Yeah.” Josh swallows. “Rather be choking on something else.” he wiggles his eyebrows at Chris as his gaze glances down at Chris’s jeans. 

“You serious about that?” Chris smirks at Josh, and the brunet narrows his eyes. 

“You asking me to blow you in this park at 4 AM?” Josh smiles slightly. 

“Hey, you brought it up.” Chris replies and Josh caps his bottle, letting it rest on the bag. He crawls over Chris, pushing the blond to the grass. “Oh so you _ are _serious.” he says, and Josh presses his index finger to Chris’s lips.

“Shhh, you’re literally so loud, bro.”

“_ I’m _loud? You were practically yelling a few days ago when-“ Chris began but Josh presses a full palm against his mouth, as he slowly trails down to Chris’s groin area. His hand moves from Chris’s mouth, slowly sliding down his chest, stomach and eventually resting on his thigh. Josh undoes Chris’s jeans.

Unfortunately, Chris gets too “mouthy” according to Josh and the brunet zips Chris’s jeans back up before palming the budding erection. 

“What the fuck, man?” Chris tries to act a bit peeved but he can’t stop his smiling. Josh laughs as he falls beside him on the grass. The snow returns apparently. 

“Stay with me.” Josh says. 

“Always.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cya!


End file.
